|Back to Maaya no uta ♫|
I've been writing again in Maaya no uta ♫, it seems that I still love that girl. Whomever she is, wherever she is now. I believe we have not met in real life yet, but I am sure it has to be her. I'm positive, and willing to bear the risks that is about to come.
Welcome back to my old world, Maaya no uta
| Thursday, 25, Nov 12:12 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|A Story that is about to End|
It's almost a year we known each other, and have only once and I started to feel we are reaching the end with each other. Why could I not be the normal friends, well because I am special and not the usual one. You will say something, but if I seen it wrongly, I will say directly that is wrong at the same moment if we fight and have misdirection of heart, that is our own problem. I see it like this, we decide weather to stay or leave. At times as I have seen, I was being cruel towards others and myself, but I guess it is better that way. Why must you show kindness but in the end you are just playing a one sided show? the worthless ones must be cut down, like grasses it needs to be cleaned. Fragile isn't it what a friendship means, even so if you can see through my words and believed in me, then you will have a friend that will travel with you in the hereafter. Because I am that sort of friend to the very ends, and I am not the weak ones which is just worldly.
There is still a side in me, but I wonder when someone can open it up. Hidden in the dark, not known to anyone. It is more valuable than anything. Both our experience and knowledge must be equal first. Then we can see a different tomorrow together.
| Saturday, 06, Nov 20:51 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Aa just finished the song, at first the visions showed to me that I was surrounded by stars. It was a scene in an open air wedding, I wonder why but it felts really calming. Probably I'm seeing a vision of my own wedding, that these feelings are from. It was a heavenly day, people were around, the place was all white, chairs, table, were placed with white cloth over them. The music was nice, there was nothing of annoyance just, listening to the kids playing around each other, running from one place into another.
I continue to see, that after we are.. umm married, we traveled far together, without anyone knowing where we are up to. Finding a place for our children to grow up, a new home, where the air and water are clean and safe. Every night, I will be by your side, sleeping soundlessly and sometimes snoring. Your heart was always worried about the future, every night you could not sleep, but with me around, we needed each other, and finally your eyes closed, while smiling to each other.
Not long from now I guess, there is nothing that we should be worried about when we are together, we'll figure it out, how to live our lives together.
It would be peaceful again, together with you.
| Saturday, 23, Oct 16:54 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Finally I can read it|
Remember, the two surah's which I proposed, the other one just sets into my mind now, and I finally memorized it perfectly in my mind and able to say it out without opening the Holy Quran. I made a promise with Allah that, if when I finished reading it with a proper reading (maybe a bit later), I'll will set in for marriage (meaning I'm ready for it). The wife however, must also be able to memorize it as well. Hence it will open both hearts of us in understanding each other better. I believed that other song comes out from al-Ghaasyiyah. It sure takes time to memorize something like this, and the value is almost priceless.
I hope that soon, the once two skies will become one, and you will eventually propose to me. I will accept you when the time is right.
One can read and listen to them below, these are the twin-swords of Allah taala,
| Friday, 22, Oct 00:20 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|When you are not capable|
I've been thinking, that when everything is over, and there was a single chance to save only one person, whom will I choose? I definitely would not choose any one from my ex's, and not even my own mother, but I am now thinking on weather my own wife or you. In that place is where I can see your memories, if I were to save you, but I know everything about you, and you know nothing about me. I wondered why, I still keep these feelings towards you.
Perhaps aunt have poisoned my thoughts over time, but I really love the idea of heaven together. Even without realizing it, I wonder if this is true love, in which other could never see the difference between the other loves. Perhaps in that dream when I lend out my hand towards a girl, sitting down on her own, it was probably you. I believe in your heart, you were thinking the same way about me, honestly believing that I will save you in the very end. I would not lend out my hand towards a traitor, or someone whom would have broke my heart.
Only to someone whom honestly wants to be with me, and would not harm my pride and reputation. I trust that person, and that person is the one I will save, one whom have been waiting all of her life just to be saved by me, her dear husband.
Or was it.. that you are born and died in a different time.. that all this while, that phantom whom is living near me is you. I'm sorry, I didn't realize it until now. I wonder now, what is the purpose of my life?
| Thursday, 14, Oct 23:42 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|The stupid Nut and the Donkey|
I've been observing as of late, of these two types of human beings whom are like a Nut and Donkey. Each perceived to think they can attract more attention, but lacks a single component in which they can never get from me, which is my pride.
People are not what you seems to see, because under a nickname they will show to you of their true colors, when not known to the real world of whom they really is. I wonder what did they fear in life? is it because everything is going as planned, and I do not want him/her get in the way. It is always the same thing over and over again with these sort of human beings. They think they can gain something more, but in fact are losing everything even without realizing it.
I'm a natural negative thinker, which is I was born like this. Not that I think like that, but I used to study them rather than myself. On why they believed such, and so fourth. Perhaps they have met with a limitation, that they fear of losing trust or even popularity. It is always the same cycle over and over again with this sort of human being. They are binded by their own death clock, who fear death will just come any second through the front door.
Hypocrites exists everywhere, as they also exists in every single level in a society. The true darkness of a society, when he/she tries to say something, each word is a lie, and that everything they say is a planned lie.
I am their natural enemy, of course. As my only wish is their downfall.
| Wednesday, 13, Oct 19:10 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Not going to the convention|
One thing leads into another, and it seems that I will not be going for my Convocation.
| Wednesday, 06, Oct 08:16 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|The Answer to Life|
After observing and considering everything, in the end I've come out with an answer. It has something to do with our perception being different altogether, but as one understanding as a whole.
Knowledge of the Truth is already given by Islam, through the revelations from the Prophet Muhammad. Hence we need to follow through it, like holding onto a rope when we are out in the sea, where the water is cold, unpredictable, and the waves are strong. Islam is pictured as the boat, where our Prophet is giving out the ropes. If we let go, we will definitely drown ourself.
Once that is done, we need to decide on which path, weather to be a Musician, Scientist, Technologist, Engineer so forth. My only father died as an Engineer, but his life was taken so roughly that it made me ponder what did he did wrong. In an accident, it is because he was rushing back home. Islam have taught us to be calm in most situations, the rush is only claimed by the devil so that we would lose our guard and do not use our brains to think or decide. Hence that is why we need to be very careful when we grow older. Things gets critical.
Poor? Allah have always open the doors of heavens for the poor, among them whom lived piously and remembered whom the real true creator is, lived in the life of thankfulness for getting everything, even if it is not that perfect from the eyes of a rich person.
My answer to life is that, I have to continue my search in understanding of Islam through technology, and spread it for free. When I have died, I will reborn as a technologist, that lived for the soul purpose to serve as Allah's servant. A life that does not need much money, as I would need to keep a saving for myself and my family. The use of technology to connect people, for them to find an understanding with each other. Giving back everything I gained (money) back to Allah taala, in methods in which he is pleased with.
A true saint and technologist, I would love to see my self at the very ends in that final form. A technologist is an advanced form of an inventor, from the very basic of a human being. That made something through innovation, and named those things when it is completed.
Indeed, one day I will come to understand that grin I had in my face.
| Sunday, 03, Oct 00:33 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
I've come out with this thought, right after I had that dream, of when an Aspara comes into my reality for a moment in the middle of the night, icy cold feelings towards her, yet it was specially calm for some reason. A real princess, not known to human eyes.
The project will be a total overhaul in my life values and system, it will fight off the system in which the Jews were so proud about. Hence this system will re-create the soul purpose of the true understanding on why Islam comes into this world as a priceless gift to humanity as a whole.
Some reasons arising in my mind now, philosophically understanding that we have not enough time, or even our satisfaction needs are indeed reaching a useless level, we could not control our natural beings.
The only way that is possible to gain true understanding, is to hold both knowledge of the truth in one hand, as well as physical strength on another hand. In theory, only this two will suppress in the hereafter, above other things we have done.
1. The holy body that we were given to take care, that was made from Earth and Water
2. The mind that we swore in front of the creator, to accept ourself as servants of Allah taala.
In fact, when one who gives up the world, and set afoot on a journey to find himself, the only way is this very journey.
In the end, you will have a crunched body figure, as there would not be any fat on your body, as each muscle is used up in every inch of it. Hence the purpose that we have gain such strength are for, are only to become true servants of Allah. It is hard, and not easy.
The mind must always remember the true Creator, the One God, the ever observing creator that communicates through ingenious signs and act of God, in which only the ones with eyes would accept, and those whom are blinded can not see. The heart must change, to become a beautiful person, but the body must also follow.
The project 'Beautiful Person' is only a step ahead to reach 'Ano hito's' levels, one which Allah would accept as one person whom exceeds the norm expectations.
Personalities up to the extremes, and only those whom have done only good. Logical people, that has no limitations on their understanding of the Universe.
| Friday, 24, Sep 20:36 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Sometimes, not always.. I've taken time to understand this song, but halfway.. my emotions just taken over, I did not understand why my separation with her had to happen. It is like losing the most important friend in which you had, you could not have possibly understood it until you have it and lose it all over. It stretch my heart, until I cried. The tears of hope, wishes, promises that we have made.
Why I wondered, that her song is so similar to my life. Why do I feel that the way I understood her songs, are not like how others feel nor understood. As for the last time I saw her, was seeing her back in the Airport, senaka.. but this time she does not look back.
These are like shards of painful feelings in which I still kept in my heart. It helps me remember how much I hate people whom could not keep a promise. It also helps me to be a person whom able to keep a promise.
My father also soon pass away, at that moment before he goes, I was falling in love with this song, and I also discovered something. I knew, these were my words, it was a clue. Over and over again, until I could not have ignored it anymore.
What lies for me in the future? I only wished for solace and a peaceful ending, enough of these feelings that I kept closely in my heart, that those creatures have placed in me. Allah have been strict on me as of late, I wondered maybe he does not want me to get married to the wrong girl, because he always tested them with intense feelings. I feel sorry for them. All gave up in a premature ending. They are very weak, both in love and heart.
This was my only bridge of hope, this song. I guess she was thinking of me personally, whenever she sings it. Perhaps we are born in different family and even different religions, backgrounds and such. I could not have ignored, that we have the same feelings on a single thing. That we loved this song equally as one.
If reality is not that harsh as it is now, a life shared is like something beautiful, love is freedom, only when we are with the right person. For some reason, I really want to meet you now..
| Friday, 24, Sep 06:50 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Single Again.. Hmm..|
I didn't feel much, I guess this was to be expected way to soon. I'm feeling calm and composed.
Just a friend of mine, Yasmin told me about this site here. Perhaps if she reads it, and plotted a strategy, she may indeed make me fall in love with her.
Hmm.. I feel calm again, wanting to really find her.. the girl whom is silently reading my blog and writings all over these years.
I really want to know you, I want to fall in love with you and have children with you. Honestly and deeply, truly madly deeply..
Would you surprise me on my convocation day?
How to get a Saggitarus Guy
| Thursday, 23, Sep 19:45 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
This sucks, my family members doesn't want to head along to my only convocation which is going to be held on Wednesday, 6th of October 2010, PICC Putrajaya, Malaysia.
I didn't feel of wanting to get on the stage, because all of my family members were not there, working or had another event to go. There were a few important invitations from my friends, so I guess I'll come as a guest along with my Olympus E450 camera, pretty rare people would use an Olympus, but it is easier to find me when I'm using one right? I had a dream the other day, that my true love will come on this very important day, as she is of my future family member.
I remembered early in 2007, when I've started with the Degree in Software Engineering, in MIIT UniKL, I hurt my leg in an accident, then had to walk very funnily for a few weeks earlier that year, even had to skip one important meeting with my friends. I remembered all the funny people in the hospital looking back at me. It was partly my Dad's idea from the start, but now he is not around anymore
Sometimes when we, the son tried our best, I wonder if my dad is really okay with it? It's a milestone, yet I just couldn't move forward. I've learned how to manage wealth in a crucial time, my family economics are far worst then situated but it is being controlled well. Had to remind my mum that we had to be skeptical about our savings and control our utility bills.
Anyway, that is not the reason behind this post. I really wanted her to come on that day. I could not understand why I could not smile in the mornings, and sometimes cried all alone. It has been the same loops of sorrow for almost 15 years already.
I trust you, and I've decided that person to be you. Nothing can change that, you now hold my happiness. It is up to you to give it back to me or take it away from me. I will be waiting for you there.
| Thursday, 23, Sep 06:41 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|I love Piano - Act two|
I surveyed the price of a good electronic keyboards in the market.. Grand Piano cost at least RM 35, 000.00 which was rather too much for me. I love the the Soft Wood keypress experience, and wanted to learn about it more. Looking for a cheapo, keyboard which can emulate both the feel, key weight, and sound of the Grand Piano. Just for my hobby.. I wouldn't spend more than RM 1,000.00 for this. It's for my brain works, I need to use more of my right hemisphere from now on. In archiving a state of peace, I need to utilize all sides of my brain. I've tried guitar, but it just isn't my kind of thing. I had heavy influence from Yoko Kanno's music, the light tip tap on the keys, I could remember them all. My perception barrier is reaching a new frontier, a short path of getting wisdom is just around the corner.. come on, just a little more, just a little more.. Insya Allah..
| Saturday, 04, Sep 03:24 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Nante ne, shabeta ano uta.. nante sukoshii, warrate.. nante sukoshii naite.. yakusoku, te yakusoku.. kimi ni rakuen de tobitaimasu.. demo ne, atashi ga wakkateiru, ano bashoe te.. ano michi ga.. tsunai de te, rakuen de ikimasu.
Kimi ni wakaranai, watashi no uta te.. uta janai. ano uta te.. Ai no kotoba, kimi ni no tameni..
Nante fushigi, kono uta te.. atashi de naite, kono Hashiru.. kimi ni, wakkate? kimi no uta ~ kimi no kotoba janai.. te, Ai to kotoba de, marude niji, umarete de kimi no kokoro te.. atashi no kokoro.
Ano hikari de, yasashii iro.. watashi te, soshite kimi no iro..
Dakara ne, daijoubu. Atashi ga daijoubu.
Lovers Only - Advanced Islamic Studies (Completed)
| Tuesday, 31, Aug 11:13 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
I happen to casually read my Project Management ebook this morning, it is quite a particular subject about managing resources and people. In light of event, I had to do some work with minimal resources, and still have some doubts on which the client perhaps would not pay me for the work that I have done. I wonder how serious they are in hiring me. Let alone this relationships is strictly business, in which I hope Allah would let me complete it with a smiling heart in the end.
I did not have much luck in my relationship life, often old readers, whom are rather silent now, observe and understood what I meant by 'unlucky' when it comes me and relationships. I often met with rubbish types of personalities, in which are not strong to begin with. Perhaps I was fishing in the wrong ponds, but yeah, there are many rotten fishes that ate my bait.
I have discarded my materialistically views totally, which means I do not care about either her looks, fat, or even family richness. As a critical effects, I often look back on how serious she was in her Religion, let alone if she is a Muslimah, or one whom is yet still to return back to be a Muslimah. Second rule is that, she has to cope up with trust issues, and loyalty.. often many girls failed with this feature. A property of a good girl with good personality, is a person whom can be totally entrusted with my real smile and of course my love
As I was reading this particular surah from the Holy Quran, there was this part when they described a certain race with the certain property in which they bring into light. In my perception, as I interpret was that, these words of advice were not only directed towards that particular race, but to everyone else as a good example. It gave me a thought on roughly that in picking a good girl, I also needs to observe her family and also race.
Often a person's individuality depends on the person's race. It has sub cultures, and thoughts and how differently they do certain things. A good race however, are the best among those whom give a good hospitality even when they are at of needs, the best examples are people from Madinah, whom Allah have stated, as a race whom welcomes those others whom visited their place with an open arms, even when they are poor at that particular time. Somehow I believed, my wife originates from that particular side of the world. She does not need to be that smart either, just that her strong background in religion, as well as values and cherish her original cultures are what important to me.
It also helps me understand where our future children would be growing up with. With such loving mother, I would always be happy with her until my time is up, here in this world. I have to however shift my thoughts to the Middle Eastern cultures to seek more towards on what I was really looking for.
| Monday, 30, Aug 12:21 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
最初 1 2 3 >4<