I always pictured my most favorite elder sister, lover, my other half, my soul mate as a person whom takes seriously about responsibilities. She knew the words that she voiced out and the effects of them, and the person whom I have become today was all thank to that. Even when our indifference in cultures nor language doesn't effect this relationship of ours.
It was suppose to be the other way around. The Knight before the Princesses.. things surely have changed throughout this vast years living in the future. We hardly knew each other because of the ever changing time, but deep within our roots our types were created as pairs, the highest possibilities within our genes.. often that is true, even when we knew of each other, living together under one roof seemed like fantasy world, as one was living within the higher society, while another lives in the lower society. But my thoughts were not that crude, even the way that I write changes a lot from the distant past. That was my history, and the changes that I have went through.
Our communication was simple, but maybe because both of us have learned more about abstract communication, that simply eased the process. At the very least, we know that we are both okay at this moment. That is the most important thing of all.
I still trying still, to picture how we are going to be when we first meet again in real life. In a place that I still not sure of the name, nor I do not know when it is going to happen. But that is one of my wishes, that is to be able to meet you, at least once in this lifetime.
Like a housewife, I'm going up to you and say, "Take responsibility!" kyaaa XD
We are still, deep inside still downright immature.
| Monday, 22, Jul 08:01 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Life at this moment|
Seriously, what have I been doing with my life. Not going out for dating for a few weeks now, is really a bad omen. Not having a girlfriend at this age also adds up the damage.. and to make it worst, I'm really enjoying my mmorpg weekends all alone in my room. Then write out my imaginations on this wall/on the blog. Oh God why..
Plus to make it more seditious, my mind, soul and lust are all tied up in chains. I was not the devil I used to be..
It has been five years now, if I kept this to myself any longer, it would just destroy my subconsciousness. Before Abah passed away, I was crucially trying to decode a piece of music translation. In the end, it was these words that what I believe was a message left to me, from my father. It made no sense, why my singer has the words, she's really special to me for that reason. Perhaps her empathy works closely with people near to her, that is the most logical thing I could understand. Only she alone knows how deep the feelings goes. It is like a spike that reaches to the center of the earth, where the center of it was the human heart.
I will take your advice Abah, for I must change. https://sites.google.com/site/purarineproject/m-s/maaya-sakamoto---kazamidori
| Monday, 22, Jul 06:27 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
"In these two hands were placed with seeds, water and earth, tell me of any other reasons of what may not be in my hands, if it is not something other than hope?"
"When you were crying all by yourself, the serenity and of how beautiful it was, made the sky shine rays of light all over these plains (in heaven), where in them grew beautiful flowers of hope, love and peace. ~ While you were keeping a promise, to the one that you loved."
- Words taken from a beautiful person, in a far away land. Level 8, the Higher Garden - in heaven.
| Monday, 22, Jul 06:23 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Not alone anymore|
These stale feelings right within my heart, thinking of the situation that our family was in. After the main family head suddenly passed away, our life becomes hard instantly. Even after three years, after four girls leaving me behind, I started to see what chances I had in the near future.
Is it going to be the same day in, day out of work. I knew how much I could not smile anymore, nor did I make any sound.. My heart becomes too silent, almost like Batman. The legacies that were being left behind, just becomes a things of the past. What really did mattered?
We tried to find a pathway, without any guidance, and look what it has made us into. Incomplete creatures, without the right purpose to live forth into the future. We thought, we did the right things.. and we have done sins, over and over again..
Right now, that has to end.. we have to control again our life, we need to be in the right path and never again return back to our previous lives. I vow to marry someone, that wishes to share her life with me.. a promise that we shall be together under the guidance from Allah taala, our beloved creator.
No more running away my dear love, no more. Let's try again, to become our best selves once again. This time, we are not alone anymore.
| Thursday, 11, Jul 09:44 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Most Important Person|
I believed in that thought, that we are able to create another person within ourself just by being obsessive at a certain particular thing. It was not that healthy, as the inner person just might want to go out of us. To us, particularly because both of us likes to do our research through reading, understanding and through imaginations.
The dreams that our inner minds comes out with also generates from within our minds. But how was it possible that both our dreams are connected? Its because the information that we have are almost so similar to one another, that when we shared to our own self, according to our capabilities and exposure to certain types of knowledge, such as ancient knowledge or even space time travel, we are able to go back and forth into reality and also into the future nor in the past.
But as you have said, within us exists a person whom stand by our side. A partner of some sort that we have built from our strong imaginations. According to your perfected mind state, you have managed to pull out the best sides of me. But I was born imperfect if compared to you my dear love. All of my stats are just average, I did not look that good either, nor I do not have the mind of a genius, just average capabilities.
Sometimes I just cried knowing of my weakness, but I pondered too why Aunt said that it was more of a gift rather than a curse. She always can see something that most of us could not, even when after we have said that we are her true children. But if in heavens, that when everything was reset back to the original state, most probably I wanted her more than you.. then again, I may just have both of you.. if that is possible.
It really did messed up with my current life, I just could not think like a normal person anymore. But have we ever wondered, whom is the person that our Aunt have inside her heart? is it another version of me? Most probably the perfect form one.. The Mei li de ren
That is not fair, especially to me.. when all I have is just 'copies' of you.. in the end, a copy is just a copy.. and it could not be compared to the original. The 'me' that exists within you and Aunt, are still interconnected through a one way quantum communication, until the day that I have managed to become a better person, the communication will later be upgraded into a two-way communication.
Still in our little world, no one should know nor understand about it. It is our secret.
| Friday, 05, Jul 07:48 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Memories of the past..|
I really miss blogging at Maaya no uta.. things like html editing, and writing over a thousand words in a single post, now becomes a thing of the past.. as if, was taken forcefully away from me.
Most of the girls are now taken away from me, along with the good memories of them. I started to forget their faces already.. like how it was in Unison song. Plus that blog has significant existence between me and my song writer.
It is like a snow storm, where shards of ice is tearing up my reality. I was trading my current memories, for a distant memory of the future. A memory where she exists by my side.
What does not adds up, was that.. I never really was able to become an Adult just yet. I feared change, but only wished to return back to the person whom I was meant to become in the future.
It was not something that just anyone can do, countless of nights I was in tears trying to understand the importance of it. Trying to get closer to my own self. There were also numerous dreams, where my future self has given good advice on what should I do now.
Most of the advice is to be calm and composed. That the weakness that I had in the first place, was the actual test that was place upon me here. It also goes the same for her, my adored one. I believed that I have not met her in my current life, but we have communicated through other means by the heart.
Eventually, when my conversation with hers started to make some sense, that is when I knew.. that she is the one. Until then, I shall keep my promise, that is to only be in love with you, my adored one.
| Thursday, 04, Jul 06:45 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|To be added later|
I went to Sabah Islands just last few days ago, and sang my favorite song 美しい人 by the ocean side when I was alone over there. I did met Hajime no Umi too, like how she predicted. Also did taken a photo by the ocean side. When I first saw the location title.. I said to myself, ".. wasn't this was the name of the next song she was making?" but this one was pure coincidence in my point of view since I was going around in Sabah at that time.
After heading back home and the first thing I did was being in-front of my computer eating Beryz bittersweet chocolate with Dianna whom my younger sister. Got her the necklace, she liked it and called it a Mayan necklace, and that is good news to me. Hope more good things to come. Just got myself a cheap t-shrit, and another boxer pants.
Ate Secret Recipe Cheezecake alone at KL central before heading back, but I met this Naddy lookalike, and it really felt awkward.. because I was previously in love with her. She looks at me also with a 'slight feeling' sort of look. I sent her a sms for conformation already, let's see if that is her younger sister or someone else.
No reply though after a few hours, probably someone else that looks exactly like her. Looks like her, after gaining some weight. The Nad I know is a bit thinner.
On our trip, one friend also looks like one of my ex.. but not going to tell you guys who. There is a reason why I look at her, the way I look at someone I once deeply in love with whom is actually living in Sabah at this moment. Its like she followed me all the way, but in a different mind, name and all that. Makes me ponder about genesis and the game of love.
Still, during my cute times.. I can only remember one girl.. the one that knows how to draw.
Naddy did repied, saying it wasn't her nor her younger sisters. I started to miss her now, but lets see if she agrees to see me for another moment in her lifetime. That is if she is still single at this point of time.
Perpetually she was the actual candidate, both in this world and the next. but things went rather derailled the last time we've met. The damage was not that obsecure, it was more towards incompatibility of the outer rims that sourrounds us both, but in our inner personal circle, she would be the best sparing partner I ever had. She knows how to fight with me, with pure intelligence.
Was it that I overjoyed with someone that knows how to fight? or did I adored the whole idea of fighting? it was neither. But it was rather commendable to see someone that was able to stop my attacks, and able to counterattack, and even better.. knows when to stop. This is known as inner self control, which is said to be the most rare quality a person can have. That was the reason why I did not mind someone whom is not even near to perfection, because the real beauty lies in the mids of chaos and disorder. It makes me ponder, why she can be so calm at such times. There is no other reasons, that only she is the one. The one designed from me, for me.
But not every love story will turn out the way you wanted. Like always, it is how Allah taala wishes for it to be. It seems Nad was selected to be with another person, and she wished for me the best of luck in my own findings. In such turns of events, there is only but one thing to do.. which is to continue listen to the songs that are close to my heart.
| Monday, 01, Jul 04:04 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Last weekend, visited a friend's place for his wedding. As things goes along, and when he and his wife were sitting on the stage, I was listening to 'Everywhere' song by Maaya Sakamoto.
There was this distinctive memory and also feelings, too strong to be held within me. I just helplessly cried, hiding my tears behind my dslr camera. It was a feeling of wanting to find happiness with someone else.
It felt like.. I was being separated almost for eons from my future wife to be. I do believe in that, and at the same time I hope she also feels the same way as I do. It is like, both of us were waiting for each other. And when that time comes, both of us will know we were actually meant for each other. No matter how much we deny it, or tried to escape, that both of us were meant for each other.
I found some references to translate Zero to Ichi, might be expecting to do a version two for it soon, along with the other songs that I have planned to translate.
| Monday, 10, Jun 08:24 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Boku no hanbun|
Allah has a reason, and he just shared with me one of them.
Now I have no reasons to turn back for anyone, for He know whom is best suited to me with me in the hereafter.
As the doors of hope and dreams were closing, there was a slight chance that only one person was allowed to enter. It was the right person after all in the end, as how it was initially planned.
Emotions of sorrow just played part in a bigger game, where we are the actors in it. If we played our roles properly, align with good, then we are safe.
| Saturday, 01, Jun 03:44 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
" ..Everyone praises you, and everyone loved you.. "
" .. they even drew the wrong picture of you.. "
".. you knew deep in your heart, what was going to happen.. "
".. you never married anyone, but just agreed to stay with a protector until the very day you were called back to the Creator.. I'm greatly in dept to him now.. "
At the moment when I knew about her real name, I looked at her in silence.. that she did not forget about her own name, but she kept it away, a secret from me. She feared that I could not accept her as how she is..
That is not true..
You have found me first, as you are the one person that I was looking for all these eternity.. that ever calming looks on your face, is what made me happy.
Even when I have sinned, I rose back again, and again from the darkness. You were always there by my side, always forgiving me.. always loving.
May Allah taala forgive both of us, and accept us as whom we are.. and what we have both become.
InshaaAllah, that promised day will come, where I shall return back to you..
| Sunday, 12, May 13:51 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Thoughts of being married to that girl is now all broken, like endless wires were detached from my heart, that was connecting me and her. I had a slight dream of her yesterday, I wondered why.
Alongside the ashes, I rose up and rebuild myself.. the core-heart system still was intact, with her latest gift, the protection.. I finally can be immortal.. for what reason, that she knows best. Her soul was always near to me, I can feel it, especially now when I was half sick, my body and soul were loose, and given some chance my dreams were deep again.
The melanin emission into my brain was causing me not to age. I even generate it during the day, as if I was asleep all day and night. My body keeps telling me, that I have not aged. Yesterday is the same as tomorrow, days kept repeating itself.
I was Anna Molly * A joke that Icha told me, when I said that I was looking for anomaly *
We fought a lot, and traded a lot of our minds, but that doesn't stop us from each other. We believed in ourselves and in each other, perhaps that matters the most now.
I kinda felt much closer now, to my singer. I wonder if she still observes people like me? or was we are just something in the air, unseen, untouched, but you can hear us talking to each other. Perhaps she still does, and still is.
Because I would.
I finally modified my bike, to look exactly like Tokio's bike now.. what is left is a girl, that is like Juna.. since I'm such a player like Tokio, but in the end I still pick Juna right
| Wednesday, 08, May 21:08 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
It was hard for me to inhale air, when I was emotionally disturbed by the facts of life. Looking back, there is isn't much about me. Always been alone all this while. But it was a must, that I also look for someone out there, that also feels like me, and marry her so that both of our problems can be solved.
I was originally like this, and always been like this. That was the actual problem, as I could not change myself. The personality was so fixed, that even going to the extremes, nothing would change at all. Perhaps I still lacked knowledge? perhaps I did lack a lot of things in life.
The girls always said, that I was a mystery. I am, and forever will be.
But I'm just like everyone else, I still yearn for a dance for two in the ballroom of kings and queens, I only yearn for one princess of my heart, that loved me not because of what I have, but she knows deep inside, that I was the man designed for her.
Most of the time, I had to turn down offers because distant loves were not meant to be. "To lead a better life, I need my love to be here. Here." yet by saying so, I was the person whom believed in love that travels over a vast distance between here to the heavens and back here again.
I still believe in that distant love.
Will you come back and welcome me?
| Thursday, 02, May 06:12 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Sometimes as I grew up and met different kinds of girls, I start to notice something in the most subtle form. Well you see, I was very-very close with this particular singer that tells her heart in her lyrics writings. I was suppose to understand girls very well now, but in practical form I start to notice something about it. Everyone is different.
I had to brush off that half Japanese girl, because she did not respect the most favorite hobby that I had in my life. Its not that was trying to annoy her or anything, but I just wanted to share bits of my memories with her of what I experience when listening to those songs. It was the same with Megumi, but she kind of tried her best to understand me, but in the long run, I always seen her giving up on that idea. Same too with my ex, K.D. as she also given up on it.
I'm not that special, just a typical song listener, but with a mind of my own. Somehow, with so much coincidences, the singer has place my words into her songs and made it even better. Perhaps initially we had thought of the same idea, and walk in two different paths, but eventually we met up on the same path again. Which is both of us believed that we are directly connected with Prophet Muhammad in a soul level, because he was the most soft hearted person that ever walked on this earth.
In that process, we also learned of our 'true form' in the other worlds, dressed up like an ancient person, but it was also futuristic at the same time. It sounds like reading a fantasy book, but no it wasn't like that, we cried a lot, we felt the actual fear of the future in our heart, of what was to become of us later. Perhaps it was another level of hidayah, in the most advanced and purest form. Telling us exactly on what to focus onto in this temporary world that we are going to leave behind, and grasping the infinite future together, hand in hand.
In that situation, I pondered.. if I was only given one chance to marry someone, it would be someone that also feels somewhat alike on what I felt, and at the very least listen and tried to understand even bits of what I feel. It has been like this for all my life, and I can't take it away. It was my reality, and because of it I can see the world differently.. or perhaps, like how the Prophet seen this world in his perception.
| Saturday, 30, Mar 12:27 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Emotions - Part II|
“It was meant to be like that.” Is what they could only say to me.. And they could not question why the higher One wishes for such reality to be like that. Only those ones that does not give up will continue on with the journey, far into the furthest distances. In their heart, there is only Islam.
Instantly I tried my best to recall, all of the one-tenth per second memories, as hard as I could. But with my current limitations, I could not see anything. I’m too weak to begin with, in this current body of mine. “That is what being human is all about.” Is what they said to me, advising to me to grab hold onto my own weakness and start being human again.
I’ve started to attain a new skill, that is being able to figure out if it was her or not, in a very short time. Just set everything to the highest difficulty at the first day, and see how it goes from thereon. It should filter out the bad choices in an instant. Let the environment that surrounds me be the judge of my actions. Not even a slightest sign, that I would ever miss out. There was no way they could hide what was in their mind nor what was in their heart, even when they kept silent. I plan to mis-use my hidden abilities just for this, and to make sure that her heart is being honest to the very last drop of her blood. Only then she can gain the full potential of being in a relationship with me.
“I feared her.” Because she was the same type as I am, and at the same time “I loved her” because of that. Nothing could ever change what was planned for us both.
After giving her a slight kiss nearby her lips, I felt the heart’s gears were moving a little, but it felt like a few screws were still locked, perhaps needed lubrication with a special heart based ‘chemistry’. It was describable like a doki-doki feeling but it was slightly congested, like pieces of small wood got stuck to a complex automatic watch system that is fully analog. But if a strong push was given, it may break certain other small gears to make the heart system to work properly, no.. That is not right, like the vision I had in ‘Everywhere’ the only method is to remove the small wood one by one with a delicate handwork, or if translated otherwise as a person whom can fix broken hearts, a real medical expert in that field, a person with a neuro-surgery honors and he/she must get it not through paying the University, but actually attaining it because of his/her pure skills. Once the heart gears is actually working well, only then the kiss to the lips would generate the twin-heart system, and only then love can generate its energy between two souls.
| Sunday, 03, Feb 02:53 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
I felt sorry for pressing a few of those buttons, but after waking up today.. I feel that it was necessary to take the words out from your heart, our self-ego was screaming inside of us, let it be.
We have the future for our selves, and not a single other has the right to take it away from us. There might be a chance, that you liked me more than you initially planned.
To be honest, I liked you when I first met you.. but finding back that emotion was like looking for a heart that has been secretly taken out without anyone's knowledge for the purpose of not getting hurt. I guess counterparts knows each other well, even of the locations of where the hidden heart is. It make sense if you think of it.
Ever since then, I've been thinking.. that somehow a part of me sort of like who she is for what she is. Probably I should not travel inside of her mind too much just let her be who she wants to be. Even Maaya Sakamoto found her Kenichi Hubby, then why can't we find our own happiness I pondered?
My current age is slightly off for a kokuhaku, but I believe most girls would love that to be done in the most proper way. Perhaps like how my late father would say, if you had anything important to say, "Meet them face to face and then say it." hiding behind the keyboard isn't my kind of romance either. It lacks the emotions, the redness that comes from shyness and all that.
| Wednesday, 30, Jan 06:52 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
If I could describe my emotions into words, it would fill the pond with my own blood. The redness of it, and even the after scent of pure red blood could drive a hungry vampire into madness. It seems that I have ended all of my searches for a counterpart right now. How that could even be possible I pondered..
It seems that I was too disconnected with the world that I was in now. I could not be a part of them, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I tried it could never happen. What was the purpose of life if I could not even let my thoughts be read by anyone, just anyone. It was far too sad to describe a pointless life, perhaps it is this place that has gone rotten, or was it the people in society that just could not align themselves with the changes in the world, or was it myself that could not communicate with someone even when I wanted. “The words just could not come out.” Is what my monologue self said..
I just kept writing, in hope someone would actually read what I write. Was it too much to ask just for that, I pondered. We were all alone now, in the new world where everyone is just too near to us. The Internet perhaps was a failed technology to begin with, but we are still there using it, or claimed that it has actual value to us. In the end, I have to stick to plain words that has no actual value nor feelings in them, just plain boring words. If I could, I wanted to tell a story. People all have the same mindset when it comes to life, well I don’t give a fuck. Well that came out different, doesn’t it?
Perfectly had collected all what was in the minds of others, but I wonder what for.. Perhaps my instincts as a writer told me to be like that, I do not know what they are called, if it has a name I do not mind learning a new word now, if it doesn’t have a name then just let it be. I kept on sending false hope over the networks, it seems like a one way connection for now, never really hear any replies from them. This awkward pattern kept on and on until I understand how lonely I was. Good thing I had a good choice of tv-shows to watch, namely from Arrow and Californication. Was really good times, and Games of Thrones are coming soon in this year. Something to look up to.
Drowning in my own written words, perhaps was a sort of therapy that I have been playing with my own mind all this decades. The accumulated words perhaps has already exceed two thousand pages of words. The twist and turns, and that not just anyone could decode what was in them, or there was never a need to decode anything from the beginning. It was just words, just plain words. Something you read and then later forget sort of thing. Like if I threw a handful of salt to your face, you may feel prettified thinking that you are not a zombie and that salt taste salty, well that is about it.
While ever-dreaming on a lifeboat, that signals lights near Tokyo’s bay seeking for the right love to happen, ever drifting off the shores across the horizon of one eyesight.. Ever pondering if a Savior will ever come.
“Be patient with a calm smile in your smile and also in your heart..” That’s what my heart says to me, as to not give up on the hereafter that easily, not to give in to the temporal world and it’s falsified hope of the mortal future. The scenery of sparkling lights of many colors in the skies, not acknowledging if it was day nor night. Shards of the heavens that can only consume only one tenth of a microsecond of the human memories, because of its natural secrecy of the higher orders.
“You shall see only what Allah wishes for you to see.” The Angels said. Yet not just any human being could resonate to such words, as they were blinded and plundered by the false light that blends into their two eyes. Only those whom have the light inside of their heart could see the difference in between the light and darkness and to begin with, they were only a few left on this world.
| Tuesday, 29, Jan 22:49 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|See her as who she is|
Sometimes, the system sort of advised me to see a person as who she is. Even when it was slightly only a second that I saw her half-naked body, but that slight chance to see half of her carnal knowledge sort of opened one particular thought process that has never been opened before. We were not bound to each other, it was formulated by mutual understanding of our forefathers and perhaps by our ancestors.
Still upon knowing something like that, the system tells me that she was in the pool in which I could fish in. Though I kept pondering, if she was that fish which I have gave bread and dare not to eat it. Perhaps It was my trap, perhaps. But at that moment I was honest with my actions, and I've thought the chubby fish was hungry for food.
Her name, that name which she calls herself.. was that coincidental as well? it was the same name that I was in love with for almost a decade, even when I had other simultaneous relationship at the very same time once in the past.
When okaasan said something, somehow it did not made me feel anything.. neither sad nor happy, but my emotions were enhanced by a thought process that I believed that my future wife to be, will reject everyone else except for me. "Through the Blizzard on you I will lean, just like the Fir Tree you were evergreen." she said.
I couldn't know, was it okaasan, or was it her.. but my shadow side that sat beside me said it could be her resting herself next to me for a brief moment when I was unconcious. Indeed, like how the heightened plains professor said, "The Woman's heart is like a titanic." the soft blanket is what I could felt in the brief morning sleep.
During consciousness nor in my subconscious state, she was the reason why I was here like this. I was naturally like this, talking in abstract words with my abstract thoughts. She is too.
| Friday, 25, Jan 09:18 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Annoyed by that fact..|
I felt like placing them all on the bench side right now.. just annoyed by the fact that they can't even find a portion of their precious time for others. Honestly my heart just want to push them all away right now. "Zenbu nugutte.." just that I probably felt better with them all gone. Ah.. its been a while that this negative side wants to show itself. Perhaps I perfectly understand what Icha is going through right now. I wonder why.. berjangkit kot from her? but I love Icha.. that fact alone is just unexplainable. It's as mysterious as loving the planet called Saturn. God knows who actually observed that particular gas planet.
So what now? I pondered. I just hate that fact, that I still love all of my past girlfriends regardless of what they think of me now. I still kept the good memories of them with me. Still fresh in my memories.. I'm just that sort of person.. I wish I could forget, but I couldn't. What's keeping that wife-to-be of mine from appearing into my life? it's not that I'm running away from her.. or maybe, just maybe she is at a higher level than I am.. that I need to improve just a little bit more.. then I should, I should just keep on improving myself. Become a better person, in a spiral thought process that continues in an unstoppable iteration.
The future is foretold to me, but I still kept that hope that what we can change in our hearts can actually change our mere perception of how its going to be. I understood what that advice from ar-Rad was, I knew exactly what it means. I come to trust in my feelings just a bit more, perhaps becoming more stronger in the process. The devils are very much in a confused state right now, inside of me. In the end.. even they were being bought into the bandwagon of insanity. "Tsk tsk.. now you know.."
Again, what is there at the very ends of everything I pondered? do the devils inside of me knows of it? I doubt so.. nobody knows, it's the kind of knowledge that is gifted, and it could never be understood by anyone except for the ones given that gift. No matter how much you tried to dismantle it into smaller pieces, it just would not work. That annoying fact, that only the ones that could understand it was only those people whom falls into the same category as you are in the first place, those 'gifted' people.
In the end, only you and her are left.. what is there more to say, "Marry her." because I will, and "I do".
| Thursday, 24, Jan 01:28 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
I want to fall crazy in love.. really really crazy in love..
Life is too boring.. to be spent in front of the computer all of my lifetime. I have learned many vast languages, and even body languages.. I've went into close encounters, base 3 unofficially. This is driving me nuts, I've taken too much precautions already. I had enough..
Perhaps my emotional self is taking over, I can feel that.. but just like any man out there, that we wish to be accompanied by a lady, to make good love with her at night and early in the morning. I admit, I had been a naughty boy.. but I had to do what I felt to do at that time..
Sometimes I pondered, even when words are not what they seems they are.. and at times, what we wanted to say just did not come out the way we wanted it.. and when things starts to fall apart because of words.. we wished that words do not exists in the first place..
I sort of wish, having the strength to just simply say those words to her, like asking her to be my sleeping partner. Just for one night, so that we wouldn't feel sad and lonely out for no reasons. These fake emotions slurred into my heart edging for a forbidden love with a young lady..
Yet when both of us were all naked by each other side.. we knew, there and then that our bodies were meant to be for each other, regardless of what our ancestors tells us to do. There was no definite understanding of love between a man and a woman. There is only love
Even when it is not the real thing, there is nothing that could stop lovers trying to love each other. Because it was already fated by the highest One, the Creator.
| Tuesday, 15, Jan 22:52 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
I always pondered, but it will return my thoughts back to the first visionary dream that I had when I was five. That the lady whom wants me, already knows about me even before the time comes. Apparently it means that, she is far better person than me, but for some reason it has to be me and not anyone else.
I will I will catch the lovely world
A world where love is overflowing
Even without words, communication is always there
Even every beginning starts from there
Even when time passes by, it never ends
I will catch the lovely world !
Let's go find it
A place only for ourselves
So we can love one another... endlessly
- Hashiru, xoxo
| Monday, 14, Jan 09:46 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
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