Shiki x Maaya Sakamoto
| Wednesday, 10, Sep 18:44 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Just had a nice meal, listening to unknown jpop songs in this food shop
'Sushi King'. I'm actually tired, just got back from work. The usual nine
Head back home, talk with my youngest aunt about wishes to own an alfa
romeo. She said the looks is nice, but hard to maintain. Its cheap too, but
the maintenance is more than the cost going to the moon.
My blog now crowns blog bt, might be people gave up and moved on to other
advanced system not known to my knowledge. Well at least its a dot jp, I
tried to register for my sister dianna but her account didnt get approved,
due to a malfunction in the blog core registering modules.
I might be doing own business soon, and hopefully able to release my first
book. And even sell online to my silent fans. How long has it been, 10
years right. Now in a small scaled detail, I'm able to see my dreams comes
most of the kids working here are locals, but they are able to say the
basic greetings in Japanese. Irrashai mase.. arigatou, stuffs like that..
The current music, feels like early 90's jpop music. The time when kimutaku
fever was hot, japanese love stories etc. You know, those times.
Ah well, the food is good.. average of 500 calories. Kinda broke my diet
tonight, but for me to think further, much further..
Dare yori mou..
| Wednesday, 10, Sep 10:44 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|What actually it was|
Most of our knowledge was actually owned by Allah. It was a secret or
hidden from us, and granted when He sees us worthy. It was also the same
with intelligence, for instance a person with an iQ of 200 and above,
cannot be defeated by an army iQ of 165.
Its because, of this aqal that Allah gave to us, has that iron clad rule
that the more intelligent you are, the lesser amount of people can control
or defeat over you. Well, this given under circumstances that the high iQ
person is someone whom is well prepared type of person.
Other values such as talent to rule, or futuresighted, also gives us more
ability than others have. But in an overall form, because a true
intelligent person, will at all cost avoid direct or indirect confrontation
with others. Yet history further forsee most intelligent people lives in
pure isolation, perhaps desolated to live a lonely life.
A highly intelligent social person, has two faces. The first one is that,
they are social for a reason beneficial to them. The other is, they can
feel lonely inside, even in crowded places. Even if that person is the
And most intelligent people, the real ones are close with the creator. They
love creatures, animals and everything so much. Yet, they know.. the only
way, to perserve this happiness is to not be too attached to them.
| Sunday, 07, Sep 23:13 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Preface: The setting of this dream is inside a cozy town in Melacca, but
the inner values of a town and kampung life is combined to very essence of
Malaysia in the natural form.
Our boss decided one day that we go to work in a small town in Melacca, it
was large and warmly densified by houses not more than two stories high as
far as the eyes could see. We came in to the town by using boat, and it was
adventurous enough with the jumping and skipping and going down a slope to
reach the inner city. We almost hit a few kids in the town area whom is
playing in the shallow waters of the boat parking area.
The town area is nearby to each other, even just take half and hour by car
to reach there, but this place is special as it needs the tenants to reach
there by boat, getting in or out. But everything is there, houses, food,
farms, working space, internet, and even have a social life.
While after working hours and going out for lunch, I walk up one path and
got lost by my own. I kinda saw a small shack on fire and a crash site,
what was believe to be a helicopter and a jet fighter just crashed landed.
After asking their engineers, they asked me on what I do for a living, I
replied that I was a system computer engineer. They were thinking to hire
me for their program, that is somewhat like a simulation using un-manned
jet fighter planes and helicopter, which was 1/2 of the actual size, but on
proportion a person still can sit inside the plane and control them in the
air. It was their defense force, that was built in house. They had a
technical team working on their town’s defenses.
I have checked my watched, and it wasn’t that synchronize. It was funny,
and after I tried to synchronize the time it seems that I was shifted at
least 11 hours after my lunch time. Something happened, and I wasn’t aware
of it but I have lost 11 hours of my time without knowing where I was
about. It was almost to midnight and the office has closed, and I tried to
contact my friends whom was from work. I didn’t have their names on my
what’s app chat engine program, because I was a little shy to reach them
outside their personal lives.
The boss probably headed home, together with my other colleagues. I
probably had to explain to them on why I did not come back after lunch
time, but without my memories I only can tell them that I was lost and
slept somewhere. Probably at a nearby mosque.
My younger sister was around with me when I was going out for lunch, as she
tagged along to visit this place. We got separated in the shopping mall
where the escalators were going hare-wire, we had to jump here and there
just to get into the higher places. In the end, I got out of the maze and
my sister was no where in sight. Talk about lost in a place where never
know anything much about. Best of luck is that I do not know much of these
buildings corners to reach back to our room.
I kept on walking and saw people in that area, where cozy living in each
and everyone corners. I stepped into a bigger house, it was well furbished
and have taken off my shoes when walking in the lobby area. I saw a public
room which was for pet owners, the door was open and I went in to see many
people bring their dogs and cats to play in there. There is also a
television, air-cond, food and water all free to be taken. I also saw
people eating at their dining table in the middle of the hallway, eating
bacon or meat and such. Everyone is mixing well with one another and
respected each other cultures up to the personal level.
There was this one girl whom her aunts were worried about, and talked bad
about here out loud, Melacca people are like that, they do not keep things
inside and just tell other people of their thoughts directly and it was
normal to do that here. I kinda like that, because it means they are honest
to their heart inside and out. Their niece is going out to town late at
night, and she was sitting there all alone like pondering whether to go or
My dream almost have ended there, so I guess I was also thinking to
approach her, a girl from this town, living here. I’m the stranger and she
is a local person. We had our greetings, and felt there was something in
our meeting. I smiled to her and she smiled back to me. I asked her out,
since she knows this place better than me, it was almost 1 am, but I’m
asking her to help me know this town better. She said yes, and went out
Probably, my ex girlfriend memories soon will fade away from my mind, much
sooner than I think. Finding this lost in direction girl, same like me, a
stranger whom is lost will opened a new possibility to get laid, finding
love and even go further in this relationship. We went through town and it
was alive almost 24 hours, 30%-40% of shops were closed but it was still
lively to walk around with my new girlfriend. We met some of her friend’s
rooms, and I listed to her and her friends talk to each other. Luckily they
were very comfortable with me around, all of them seems to see that I was a
part of this town.
When reaching to 4am, we felt really tired.. She wants to go back home, but
I told her that I didn’t have a room to sleep in. She was thinking hard,
and wanted to ask some friends but probably they were all asleep now. I
said to her, its okay if I slept in the Mosque, but its a Friday, and she
scared that I got lost again in her town. She then asked if I want to
follow her back home, to sleep together in her room. I was a little shy but
why not, since it was this late already.
We went together to return back to her house, almost everyone was asleep in
her house. One thing about this place, people respect each other decision
when it comes to living a life with one another. They know about me, that I
was hitting on one of their girl, and respected that of her decision and
fully understand that she has her own life to live. I was weird at first
and asked about her family, she said she was the last in her family, and
her parents passed away earlier. Her aunts were taking care of her, or as
much as they could. As I was resting down sleeping next to her bed side, I
can hear her cried a little. Perhaps she was remembering of her poor family
condition. I can also understand her situation, as our family is also very
much the same.
We sleep soon after, and after a while I woke up unexpectedly feeling a
dead weight on me. She was on top of me, still sleeping and I can hear her
sleep talk while she was sleeping. “Don’t go.. Don’t go..” With a little
tears on her. She made me helpless, I could not even get a hard on like
this, and it just changed me back into my good boy mood. I just hug her a
little and said “I.. Won’t.. I won’t..” Then she smiled a little and hugged
me even more. I whispered to myself, “I’m.. So getting married to her..”
It was almost 2pm, luckily it was a Saturday as I looked at my smart phone.
My sister was contacting me on the phone asking me where I was, then I told
her that a girl was on me and I can’t move much. She was like “Whaat..” And
I just sighed, saying that I was in a helpless condition. Her aunts then
called her from the other room out loud for her to wake up, “Farah! Bangun
cepat!” I heard her aunt shrieking.., that was the first time I know her
name, but like her name it images the personality she was. Farah then woke
up from her sleep.
(to be continued)
| Saturday, 06, Sep 20:21 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|A message from the future|
It seems that person from a distant future, and that person is also myself. He knows of singers and songs that I loved to listen to, for some reason he remembered them, and he also knew that I would study them deeper than I should have.
Sometimes you think it is not possible, as explained in Ando Llyod (Jdorama) that a thought/message has no mass, hence it is able to travel many light years ahead and back of time.
Given that, he wished to tell me something very serious from the land of the hereafter. He injected those words into a particular person, as it doesn't make sense when they release the songs which has no direct meaning whatsoever to them, but make so much sense to me.
"These are my words, but it sounded so Ancient, like from a personality that has lived for million of years in time." he is sure, a hundred percent that the person (personality) that I am now, able to decode his message, as we are sharing the same person/body. It would not make sense other than this.
Like the words from the creator, whom have outlived any lives, in an infinite number of age until it means nothing at all. The holy scriptures are written in a dense, full of meanings and advices. However the words that he wish to tell, was on difference to archive only but one goal. For me to understand that particular important thing.
Throughout the years, I do not believe there is anyone out there that listens to those particular songs more than I do. Its because it was too encrypted for some particular reason to find the actual meanings.
That heaven exists, and it is by far something that is not expected in anyone's eyes..
Most probably he wishes to install a mind synchronization-dimensional tool so we can actually be one again.
Maaya Sakamoto - Utusukushii Hito
Maaya Sakamoto - Koe
| Saturday, 05, Jul 12:55 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
A model is considered like an early state of a promising end, it may not be as fully functional and perhaps not that capable to the very least of it. You did propagate the idea early, I know it was a sign for seeking my help. Its just that, I was busy now looking for a life partner. Rejection after rejection, and I’ve seen the state of me being held in a confined space, hitting on an invisible wall, crying and helplessly unable to go out. That was what I was in now, I could not go out, could not go back to what it was before.
It seems you took interest in that, but a model is just a simple copy of the original byproduct. It is weak, helpless and unable to do whatever it wants. Its just as dissatisfaction as my current situation. But that is what my subconscious is trying to tell me, that I could not accept my current incomplete state.
And at times, it may also be held responsible as a fake. Like placing the false hope to someone that could not preform his tasks properly. It a negative energy type of song, I could sense, but in some situations, the prototype can only be the last hope.
You kept changing the words, but I understand them perfectly. But why cant you just tell the truth? Just put my initials, and hints in the lyrics as a sign for me. I will definitely find it. I usually translate them to romanji, the words play and everything is like child things to me. Its nothing to be ashamed off. We are already working together.
I know, they are pestering for new songs. But even as I do now, creativity doesn’t come easy. There were times, we just fail. Like prototypes usually are, a test subject.
I still believe that people randomly visit my writings, but not all are vigilant as you are. I have not quit, just that.. I grew tired a bit. Being a virgin at age 30 is really a bit hit to me, I know right(laughs). But I have kind sisters that keeps telling me to chin up and be strong at times like this.
I still haven’t planned my first book.. But my time limit for my first career job is almost up for two years of contract. I will be leaving to find new opportunities outside. Most probably be my first time, being on my own elsewhere. I was thinking somewhere in Port Dickson, just staying there for a few months first. I want to enjoy the ocean as much as I can.
Most of my hanging relationship with girls now are hung up, after an angel whispered to me, that I wasn’t being honest to myself. That I never loved anyone before, and never was in a love relationship. Maybe they knew, because they observe me closer than anyone. They see that I was not happy, crying at times, and trying to fool my own self with your songs. They know.. Its sad, to have an angel to tell me all that. I cried a whole night thinking about it. No one really loved me all this while, and I was pretty much alone.
Your songs made it even better, ironically attached to them, and even made me even more complex than my next to kin. I could not change anymore, I’m probably stuck marrying someone whom comes the same conclusion as I did. A deviant of a dying society.. But we have hope to change our future together.
Remember, the word play technique. My mind is not as stable now, I need to get married first. Wish for me that finding her would not be that hard.. And starting a simple life together at first before we can fully stand on our own. I would still love to meet you in person though. If that was not much to ask from you. At least we had that conversation here on earth..
Most probably, our counterpart not know much about what we have to share. Our minds are indifferent.
| Wednesday, 25, Jun 08:16 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Life isn't how we always pictured it. Still looking for my other half..
| Friday, 02, May 01:04 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|The Garden Tune|
Happy 34th Birthday ~ wishes, 7 days late.. hehe
I wonder what happen to us today?
Are you doing fine?
Its a new year, and partially it was also my fault because I wasn't writing as frequently as before. Jpopsuki opened a .tv site earlier, and I was also downloading PV Jpop videos lately, been busy and stuffs.
I'm single and available too.. my last girl friend, said she couldn't handle me.. and I only was on Mei'li de ren mode for just a single day. Harsh right, what the bold truth can be.. most of the time, lies is what girls want to hear. Lies and more lies, that can also be a good catchy song title.
The thing we created in within our self, is not Earth friendly, my dear loved one. Let not other know about it, nor its existence.
I've been also watching ecchi Animes too, and my 10 yr old Kawasaki Eliminator 175 is causing me issues from time to time.. it sounds and looks almost like a Harley Davidson tho.
Mum's loans from Dad's old time is still ongoing, Alhamdulillah its paying by itself but with some hick-ups I still have to cover for them from time to time, it's manageable. But I have no enjoyment so far, for the past two years.. except for my anime life, which is also my everyday life.
I feel like able to talk everything to you, my only one dear elder sister. Though we do meet in our dreams and illusions at times..
Yes, I want to hear more new songs this year from you.. Koe / Mei li de ren types are welcome, but do not make more than one song in a time.. or if you intended to crack this Universe wide open, sure go ahead..
though I love the sound of that.. crack this Universe wide open
xoxo love and kisses
| Monday, 07, Apr 12:45 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Pulling out memories from a distant future was my gift, that the creator gave to me.. but it became nothing more than a futuristic understanding of what meant to come later after our first death. People in general, were not interested in this, mostly because they believed in life too much right now, that they forgotten the actual life.
You still believe in me, after so much years. At first I thought, I was alone in this distortion within me, but I wasn't, you were there with me, beside me, an abstraction of yourself, in the form of fragments of memories.
It is like a broken track record, that is shared with all musicians, lyric writers, composers. Those people that were at their own class of understanding, when compared to people whom have art skills to draw, or people whom can count numbers. We are in the abstraction field, where the creator is our guide, or inspiration. What other said about Him, and how we understand Him is far different. He really understand us, our creator does. The rhythms, subsequent notes and tunes.
Yet many of our people are also trying to disconnect themselves with the creator, they tried closing their eyes, ears and also their hearts from the truth. Bluntly these people are always talked about, in the holy scriptures over and over again in repetition as people whom are lost to themselves.
We are not lost. We have fought, and rise above our self, others and even our own distortions. These hardships were seen in the sparks in our inner eyes, that when others look at us, they look at us differently. We have an intensity and strong belief within us, that is pure and undistorted by any lies.
That is our music.
| Saturday, 01, Mar 07:47 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Our own world|
"Who would have believed it, on our world that we have believed in..
It saddens us the most, that only the two of us could see that world
It was a world, we created for ourselves
We believed in those words, that creates an imagination, a light within the dark forest we lived in now..
A light, that sourced from the purest of imaginations.. from a single point of the heart..
it was so tiny, yet so strong..
That was the bond, that kept us together even when we are far across time and space.. in different dimensions, and worlds apart..
but that is what was real to us both, even when the current world is tearing us all apart.."
| Saturday, 26, Oct 23:14 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Kyoukai no Kanata|
Mmm.. picking up Japanese as 2nd language isn't that hard.. muzukashi wa nai keredo.. how about Arabic as 3rd language.. excluding Bahasa since its mother tongue. The subconscious language barrier is slowly being lifted.. through its most abstract form.. nothing could be archive, if nothing is ventured. So, sit down and watch more anime.
Most character design of the netherworld creatures were actually beautiful by their own, but perhaps our human beauty differs from theirs. In comparison towards the Angels, whom can't be seen at all, forbidden to be seen in their true forms. Might be more archetypes out there, but only 3 major ones were described in our scriptures.
Opinion taken and derived from 'Kyoukai no Kanata'
| Saturday, 19, Oct 06:26 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(1) | Thoughts | 管理
Like how I tried to access Jidi, that other particular day.. He said to me, of how weak the current society today against the real test that has been laid out to them. The comparison towards his time of age is totally out of norm league.
This was how pictured in my latest dream, about how a girl priced herself.. as she said, "Berapa puluh ribu hantaran?" which meant, the dowry to get married is averaged at above 10 thousand Malaysian ringgit. That is partially insane don't you think, for some people whom have to support his own family, as the father had passed away four years ago. Everything is on my shoulders now, and this was my very hard test now. Endless loop of hardships, and probably no way out of it.
Sometimes I did consider adultery, like that touch-n-go game but then this awaken person 'Ano Hito' standing on my left and the second-level awaken person 'Utsukushii Hito' standing on my right are consistently mocking me of how weak I was.. constantly mocking the hell out of me.. If I choose that path.
What's left is to only walk on the path of Sufism.. with that Snake Tongkat of mine. I'm already feeling like a hundred thousand years old already..
Its true what they said, wisdom is a one way road.. you just cant turn back anymore once you reach a certain level. Then just go forward, until the very ends of it..
I'm stuck in a loop.. and the only way to get out of it, is to be much stronger, than the loop itself.
| Tuesday, 08, Oct 04:48 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Just your ordinary music otaku, this is what I listen to day-in-day-out
I started to feel fed up, that I was trying my best not to actually accept whom I truly am. It is well proven in zero ichi, that I'm just a loser, a total nobody.. a zero ichi. But that is what this physical body does not understand, it then tries to become someone else.. someone he will never become.
If I kept doing it that way, I would only end up fighting with the Creator's wishes. I was originally like this, this insolence characteristic is a natural feeling within myself, it comes with this mystical body, that is also embedded with a holy feeling of some sort. All of these turmoils of emotions, all joined into one body of a loser. I am Adam, I am nothing.
In front of the creator, I will bow down.
I must keep trying my best to make the creator feels happy as much as possible, even at the very same time knowing that he created me as a 'loser' character. I must excel to become the true 'loser' character, and to be the best of the best losers ever. It sounds like a stupid Anime character to be exact.
but like how Zero Ichi was explained, the original character that was placed upon me, was a mask. I have to play that role, become that role, while knowing that I was just only playing a role in that role. I have an ultimate wish, much much purest than the purest of hearts. That ultimate wish, is still intact, and most probably impossible to be broken, as it is kept at the most tiniest of forms, in the highest abstract nature.
Which is a dot of light.
A super powered intense, dot of light.. that is able to crush reality as we see it, the density and the weight of it, creates its own gravity around it. Even when originally light itself has no weight. The crashing of the twin heart system, has made the creation of this particular dot of light. It is by itself, its own system.
| Wednesday, 02, Oct 23:23 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
There is a slight note which I conceive in the other half, which is to trace back to where it all begun. December 2010, even when the message was quite direct and simple to begin with. But since I am not here to explain how every single thing to work, I will only explain the reason behind them.
She was in love with me.
That is the only reason behind it. It seems, that love never wavered a bit throughout time. It was too hard to proof, as it was left within the abstract worlds, 'worlds' mind you. Its because, we had a link-in between us both. Regardless of these coincidences, none of them existed in the first place. At first thought of obsession, but it was actually counter obsession, the other way around.
Being in love, I don't know.. somehow my words just fade into silence.
In the "The Story of Ano Hito in that Song" explains everything.. on why the music becomes like that, everyone else was confused.. could not get the right idea.
But I could be wrong, because she is a "Sunflower heart" type of person, we are closer than friends, perhaps even now are special friends. Still is, still am, still will be.
I have seen, that you have read my little stories walking up the hill. You liked that didn't you. Something that I have experience, and totally forgotten in the past 3 years. But it happened, and as a sign, I have written it down for me to remember it.
You tried your best to place your shoes, in her shoes, trying to see from her point of view. Interesting.. amazing.
I just hope, we can at least meet with each other at least once on this plains. So that we can confirm of the things we shared. So that I can leave this earth peacefully with a smile. I respect your personal life really. But of course, you knew that already, I'm that sort of person.
| Tuesday, 01, Oct 22:06 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Great Power comes with?|
That's what you get, when you have archive the highest point of what a human limitless capabilities can take you. Far away from pointless noises, and away from other people, you will end up all alone in a very far away land, immortal and all by yourself.
It's not that bad really. It's a bit lonely, that's all. Only the creator is there to listen to your heart, only the creator alone.
I come to a conclusion to give up my biking days, and start again to live a normal and lonely lifestyle. The hikmah in my terrible accident last Saturday shows that the creator wishes for me to look back of what I have been missing in life. Which is to live and share a life with a girl, getting married to her and have a few children with her. Something that most people do, before they die.
Therefore, I shall heed my creator's wishes and shall be prepared for it. InshaaAllah
| Monday, 30, Sep 19:39 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Today's road accident was just too much for me, at first it started with a bad omen, when my shirt suddenly tore into two. I knew something was wrong, but I ignored the bad omen and continue on with the journey, and paid the ultimate price. I fell down from the bike while tearing most of my left leg skin off, it was so painful after reaching back home. I could not bear the pain, it was just too much, too much pain.
My inner system logic is going to explode, trying my best to conceive the psychological and physical pain at once.. it seems, I need help from my alternate self now. I have already seek help from my creator, now I also need to seek help from my own self. Let yourself loose, in the darkness, all of your constrains are worn off. You now take my body and we shall become one again.
Take control of everything, reheal everything, look deeper and deeper into me, find the corruption and make it one again. Make everything right again.
Exceeding all expectation, crossing all borders, imaginations, unlocking all possibilities.. become the true evil that superseed true inner good. Let the power of words overwhelm me.
| Saturday, 28, Sep 23:02 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Sometimes I really pondered why I like listening to Maaya's songs.. it was like on another plains for some reasons, as if being tolled into another dimensional zone and back. The gossips were true, that we were in love, but its something that is so private that it only exists in our imagination world. The place where only both of us existed, perhaps that what some of my other friends also felt. Some of them are girls, but I wonder how they see it through their own eyes.. was it the same as I, or was it somewhat different. We are born from different books, but are from the same One creator.
We learned to put our differences aside, and shared our feelings through the power of music, through the abstract world. Above all, we agreed to share our magisterial school of thoughts combined into one. Many of us started to age now, most of us are at our young adult age. Some gave up and moved on, some like myself are still stuck in the torrent of time flux, in our combined imaginations.
Let it be the torah, the bible or even the Quran.. at its original state, it was written by the same One creator that we all loved. The repeating of the same stories over and over time, using different languages, tones, and even abstractions.
Only if I was strong enough in the hereafter, I will come for all of my friends. Let alone if they were from the holy books, yet we have something in common, and we shared the happiness and sadness, even when we never ever met even once in this plains (on Earth).
If songs were only let to one ending, that wouldn't be the song that I would love for. Which is why, the only reason why we must rise above the others, and become much better human beings than we were before. Kindness must flow through our blood, into our children's blood, and the way we look at each other will start to change for the better. Discarding all the ill feelings behind us, when we were reborn into the next world later on.
The name given to me when I was born, was the same name as Mary's father. God-willingly, I will reach up to his name, and will be the best in both worlds, in harmony.
| Tuesday, 17, Sep 21:47 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|The Abstract View|
She was actually playing a game, her most favorite game and it is called picture puzzle. The image was brought to her, most probably during her early days in life, no one knew because it is a secret - I knew, because I was part of the game, in fact I was the last missing piece that she needed to complete the final picture.
If along the many sorts of lyrics written by her, or even by her students. Its safely to say that, everything leads back to her. Everything.
But as far as she could accomplish making the final picture whole again, the last puzzle piece is still with me. For some reasons now, I believed that my life was orchestrated by the higher One for this purpose alone. It was her all along in all those dreams, no matter how much she tried to change her face, or age in them, it is all her all along.
I should have known it.. but it took a long while to understand everything. Subconsciously even when her students think that they are writing their own lyrics, they did not know the inner feelings and everything in them were actually taught by the original person, which is her. Would she just let go, of the last puzzle piece to one of her students?
No, she would not. It was her most important, most special puzzle piece and without it her life would not be complete. If you do not believe me, go up to her and ask.
It means every single song that I listen to specifically, will somehow link back to her. Even when it was not her writings, but somehow she was able to progress information and thoughts into the writers first before they were able to write the songs.
She is as complex as I am now. She waited for me to grow up, she really waited. Both were becoming masterminds, both were also talking in abstract, and she actually found a formidable match. The feelings is mutual, it was love between two writers, that reaches to the very deepest parts of the mind and soul. It was a boring type of love, where we share words beautifully without anyone else disturbing us.
Now I am taller than you, I can hug you better now and even kiss you like how it should be. Yet you knew, that my heart always belong to you. Like how Eve was born from Adam. We felt the similarities.
Perhaps my first visit to Japan, is to find and meet you. It should be a simple meeting, and I shall be thankful for it.
| Saturday, 27, Jul 09:36 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
It seems that, the more I tried to share my feelings, the more it starts to disappear. Religious people state that in this phase of life is when we must quickly depend on the teachings of the Holy Quran and its guidance. Technically because it was souly designed like that. The faults when designed of the human being was corrected, with the existence of the holy scriptures. It keeps the heart away from being empty, or eaten up by age nor time.
I believe everyone goes into this phase sooner or later in their lives, that one day their beloved one will leave them for good. That they have no one to return to, nor a place that they can say, that it is 'home'. Something just lack in its place, something, somewhere. When it really happened to me, it really felt like gravity. Its heavy, just too heavy. The unseen burden, feeling restless, alone.. and no sense of direction.
The Mei'li de ren within me, said to me that I must quickly memorize al-Jumaah before this ramadhan disappear. It was my only memory of this ramadhan, which is different than any ramadhan. It comes to me with love, and therefore I must serve the surah with pure love.
It was too tough at first, I felt like giving up, over and over again. Over and over again, like how I changed clothes which doesn't seems to fit. The corners of words starts to emerge between my memory cache. That even the Archangel comes to me with their concern attention, that what I must do, is to memorize it with full of respect to my own self first than later to the surah itself. The Archangel said that, there is a minimum requirement before I was able to memorize it, that I need to obey that very minimum requirements.
It will totally change who I am. Perfect, just what I need now. I felt like tearing out of my old self, and coming out with a better person.
I could not describe much into words now, since everything seems so surreal to explain. It was real as how death is, but at the same time no one else will believes you. That was also part of the burden I carry now. It is different, when you know and when you were previously ignorant of something.
And to think it was all abstract in the first place. To be a strong Muslim, you need to master both sides of your brain at once, and that alone will lead you to solace from humankind and only makes you disappear from society all along. Your heart will starts to be transparent, even your soul, and then your body starts to disappear and dissolved apart. You will become one with the system, soon after that.
I just do not understand why it must be like that, perhaps I'm just too young for all this. Still the perception goes unchallenged to a young person, I must not waver for it cause it shall bring me back to the right path.
In the ends, no one can tell me, instead I will tell them.
| Friday, 26, Jul 19:35 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
I always pictured my most favorite elder sister, lover, my other half, my soul mate as a person whom takes seriously about responsibilities. She knew the words that she voiced out and the effects of them, and the person whom I have become today was all thank to that. Even when our indifference in cultures nor language doesn't effect this relationship of ours.
It was suppose to be the other way around. The Knight before the Princesses.. things surely have changed throughout this vast years living in the future. We hardly knew each other because of the ever changing time, but deep within our roots our types were created as pairs, the highest possibilities within our genes.. often that is true, even when we knew of each other, living together under one roof seemed like fantasy world, as one was living within the higher society, while another lives in the lower society. But my thoughts were not that crude, even the way that I write changes a lot from the distant past. That was my history, and the changes that I have went through.
Our communication was simple, but maybe because both of us have learned more about abstract communication, that simply eased the process. At the very least, we know that we are both okay at this moment. That is the most important thing of all.
I still trying still, to picture how we are going to be when we first meet again in real life. In a place that I still not sure of the name, nor I do not know when it is going to happen. But that is one of my wishes, that is to be able to meet you, at least once in this lifetime.
Like a housewife, I'm going up to you and say, "Take responsibility!" kyaaa XD
We are still, deep inside still downright immature.
| Monday, 22, Jul 08:01 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
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