Seems I'm back here can only means one thing. Im depressed.
Well its kind of amazing how endless writing can help me cope through the
hard times. Not worriying if I had not much ideas to say, or fear if it was
not interesting, sometimes words are needed to be vent out in proper
What is good or bad depends on the reader. Sometimes we never knew whom
reads our work. But I was hoping more feedbacks, ain't going to happen as I
was the least popular person on this planet.
We can grow out of our shoes, anytime.. but wondered why we are needed here
in the first place. Sometimes there is no answer in our questions. Maybe
even more questions that creates even more smaller questions.
The question that needs to be answered is, "what you truly want to do in
your life?" remember that Allah is the one that gives the final decision of
whether it will be success or not. And at the same time, the time given to
you in terms of lifespan is not that long.
I have no fucking answer. If you ask me, honestly.
Maybe I have entered the sufism state of whether the student is going to
stay as a student or strive to be a master sufi. Its confusing, and at the
same time challenging to go through alone.
As the wandering birds go, how in the hell did they know exactly where to
go in the first place? That is the question, I asked my human self.
| Sunday, 15, Mar 23:41 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Warm Sunday Afternoon|
Munching through my oat crunch, pondering of what life changes that might
come for this year. Basically nothing changes is what's happening.
It was an unexpected event, thinking that we can change in a short period
of time. We are wrong. Let the music world does change for us. But I felt
what truely was going on is that our inability to adapt to these idle times.
Plainly put, there will be an age where both your music and my writings
die, withered into the emptiness of the Internet. And that time is probably
Say your goodbyes and whatever, but do not cut corners on the fans. It
might be they are also feeling the same thing now within their lives. Its
not easy, bad world economy, love is also fading in human thoughts as we
Most of the visions I had now are saying that not many people are willing
to see, what we have saw. Even if it were the truth, the more you say about
it, the more regrets you will get in return. Its a sad world really, even
when people started to explore their imaginations, they still unable to
leave their worldly life behind them. Attachment to this world is like a
virus, which Emma Clarke said that as a Muslim, if they were attached to
this world, they have already lost the true meaning of being a Muslim in
the first place.
What are this relation to anything we do is that we are trying to make
others understand that this earth is just their temporary home. But even
the people of the books, are sometimes clouded by this meanings. More clues
were actually been given that, the moment we lost our attachment to this
world, that was the moment when the human being was at a Muslim state. This
applies to all human beings that are still alive in their heart.
Makes me ponder too, are you willing to leave your iphone behind? but the
question still stands, you are born with nothing, and will die with just a
name that is soon to be forgotten.
I guess, nothing was ever enough. No matter how hard we tried. I still feel
that I have not done enough in this life. Still frustrated like how you are
also feeling now.
People's trust are also as fragile as a poochi chocolate stick. Today they
are your fans, tomorrow? losing fans and interest are the first step
towards a silent life of solace. It rememebers us of the time of the Easy
Listening album. but it is not what we did was wrong or anything. It is
just how this world works. People grow older, get married and have children
and leave behind their old lives.
The cycles of life. The never-ending cycle of life. Maybe you and I were
born in different years, but probably we die at the same time, is what I
Been preparing myself for death now. Thinking what to do alone in the
grave. I made some wish so that my mind wil be trapped in a Mosque so I can
meditate and cleanse my soul and memories from all the bad things I have
been doing my whole life. Even will try this now, since I had nothing
better to do.
The girl just didn't happen in my life. I guess its safer to just think
there isn't anybody waiting for me in this billions of people world. Cried
it out too, I guess that is what I can do about it now.
Maybe the dream about the Mei'li de ren wasn't a false dream. Its just that
a human being that was left behind by humanity, and then learned about the
truth of Allah and His majestic hidden worlds, made him into what he was
then, in the distant future. Perhaps the meditation he went through was a
preparation of what others neglect to see as an advantage in their lives.
Even to those whom claimed to be religious are not spared. This isn't
something a normal person decides. This decision can only be made when a
person lost all hope to blend into society, and placing all of his effort
to understand the creator better.
I wonder if you really know what you have said in that song? did you
realized it already?
That is a question you have to answer, and I will wait for your answer soon.
| Sunday, 15, Mar 18:44 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Keyboard usb works on my phone!|
Finally I can type using a keyboard, but my sister usb keyboard isnt that
nice to use. Maybe I need to buy another proper usb keyboard later. Mainly
because why I didn't blog much was due to this. My internet was too slow,
which onlyworks for my phone purposes. Now I need a few things.
1. A mount for my phone.
2. A proper USB keyboard.
Not sure though, what is the word limit for btblog per post. But when I
send through email, it can give a long post, rather than the normal sized
post over the website.
Gomenasai. I have been away for quite some time. I just prepare the above
stuffs and get back to you with our next projects.
On the go (OTG) rocks. Not sure if your iphone can do this
But for music development, I'm willing to spend most of my time with you.
Sorry again, cause I have been away for quite some time.
| Sunday, 15, Mar 13:30 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Help from you|
Maybe I was off course yesterday, forgive me as I desecrated my own
sanctuary. But this is how human we are, and we can never run away from
being imperfect beings.
There is a magic bond between us, and these words we write and sing. An
idea where two people's hearts becomes one. Let alone whomever it may be.
I couldn't escape conflict, after one ends another begun and I tend to
enjoy the bitter bits of an ending relationship. Some part of me isn't that
good, but we want to always be honest with ourselves.
Tired as we may be now, I wanted to ask a favour from you. Just perhaps,
would you pray for my happiness to come.. and if that did not happen, I
only wish for silent and happy life onwards. I wonder if our creator
listens to my wishes, I kinda hope he gives my younger brother a brighter
future, and live far away from me and my family.
I know his character is terrible to some extent, but I do believe he is a
good person inside. Since being together only makes things worst, hopefully
he is seperated from us living in a far better lifestyle than he is now,
far away from us.. in his own freedom, house and also finds his love life
and so forth.
I hope you can help me on this.. onnechan.
| Wednesday, 11, Mar 01:20 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Songs from last ten years|
What has happened in the last decade, ten percent of it was the result of
what we archived today.
Miki Imai songs were majorly part of it, and I always believe it was Yuho's
writings that brought us together.
And her writings, still does affect us right?
Lots of her words are in me now.. believe it or not. Maybe our lives
history are pretty much the same, cause not everyday you can synchronize
with a song writer type.
Her dream was.. amazing. I could not find words for them. But I sense, she
felt lonely not able to share most of her dreams with everyone.
Then, we.. as her kids, started to wrote songs lol. It was super funny when
you think about the actual results. The lyrical map, I think mine is far
more complete than yours. But then, the memory shards were just too random
But that is the fact of what it is today. Our bonds to the creator was too
much, too intense for anyone to bear.. those songs we held dear, was solid
proof of our resolve.
You were already a muslim in your heart, the actual true one. Learned it by
searching the actual truth. Connecting the dots.. the paths, will lead back
to one. The very same conclusion.
No one can take that away from you. Keep it well and shape it into our own
Being middle age.. I never imagined growing up, 30 years old.. and the
syntoms that you had four years ago, I will also experience it too.
Everything has it time, even for love to bloom.
Maybe our adult selves are more careful and creative in our writings right?
more honest, more direct, deep..
Just that my mood now, is much more stabil if compared to the past. Yuunagi
no jidai. It was a promising project. I personally loved it, more than I
loved my own core projects. But approaching Marrianne at this time now,
will totally erase my evil side.
She was the perfect character.. based on Mary, and sometimes I think it was
her too. But let that be to our imaginations.. from what I know, she has
been around for ages.
Side characters. But I'm giving them the spotlight, on why they were
choosen over humanity.
Most probably the family of Imran that Allah taala were refferring to,
wasn't a blood related family. It was more than that. People that are
linked to each other, in there hearts exists trust and love that we all
had. Side characters in a bigger story that we can ever imagined.
It was our love that bridges us all. Regardless of our differences at
first, that we held in us is the knowledge of the ages. A real family, of
the Mei'li de ren.
| Tuesday, 10, Mar 05:40 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Swallowtail Butterfly (Ai no Uta) (あいのうた, Love Song)"|
CHARA - Swallowtail Butterfly (Ai no Uta) (あいのうた, Love Song):
Maaya nee, can cover for this song?
| Thursday, 26, Feb 17:09 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
It was a tiny dragon bat, in black color and it was flying on a desk. The
desk turned into black shadows. Some idea for the side B.
You have to put at least some initials for me. Its been far too long you
have push me aside. (yourname/i.d.)
then it is you who tells me that you are serious with our partnership by
| Sunday, 15, Feb 05:15 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
This was just in, I was with a friend and in that dream we were at a CD
shop.. and I saw your name on it. I believe it was these words below on it.
Album maybe, but single is alright too. Im sorry I wasnt of any help. I'm
too depressed cause not yet married by now. You know that already.
| Sunday, 15, Feb 04:45 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Not sure what to say really, Shikisai is at first like a living nightmare
to me. The lyrical work placed is just too intensed to begin with, searches
after searches looking for clues here and there. It was something near,
something that was always in my head. This time, I'm listening to my own
self, or trying to do so. Why indeed I pondered, ever since my Professor
said "Always take good control over your feelings.." it burns into the face
of my thoughts. It was true, I have been ignoring those feelings for a very
long time, years and years, and decades maybe. The imaginative state
functions as a quantum space that is shared among us all. In the abstracts
form, it was designed for people with tendencies of doing something beyond
their imaginations; for example how to control sucidial intents, or subdue
anger and such. The emotions of anger, negativism, superemism, and many
others were all being placed into our temporal lobe (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporal_lobe) which governs our imaginative
vision state. We may think it is individualistic, but it was actually
linked with the alpha brain, held by God. It was Adam's brain that we are
all living inside. The holy books, (quran torah bible zabur) were the
special books that were sent to us for our advanced studies. Since the
Quran said, the others could not be used. Then we only have to follow the
Quran from now on. You see, these things are not as simple as you think it
was. It brings people to the brinth of chaos, insanity, but in that very
state lies the truth, listen to (Shikisai 3.03) when the music started to
get more intense. or in another reference (2.04 in Buddy Instrumental).
True forms are the ultimate state of one single human being. The vision
depends on each individual on which song he/she syncronized with. My
personal one was in Utsukushii hito, but I can also sense in Shikisai, it
was syncronized with the Singer Song Writer herself.
A vision that I saw was her true form is slightly different in terms of
heart and hair style. Her hair was long, thick and pure white and at the
tips of her beautiful hair, lights are flowing in a river of rainbow
colored. But the stress on her was too much that she went through a state
of psycoism. Her heart was made out from a star's core, which is base power
energy of the sun. It was too bright, her heart was. Perhaps it burns
everything and turned her hair to white. The weird thing was, at that
moment when she was near me, the lights from her heart slot, bends and
enters my twin-engine heart. I was so amazed seeing it. Too amazed. It
seems I did not realized that the twin heart engine was based on the black
hole core, it was also a kind of a star, but the remains of it become the
black hole core. Then we stand together side by side, in front of the
creator, we saw just brigher lights. He was different. Well.. we are also
different than our old human self too, but we are still pertty much human
beings. The lights from her heart, and her hair, was all gushing inside of
my heart. My twin engine heart now has rainbow lights circling around. It
did figures, at first I wonder why there is only two kind of light and
darkness in my heart at first, that is why I called it the twin-engine
system. I didnt know it was actually a super gravity engine. That is also
why I had this visions going back and forth in time, it was too insane not
to write it down in words. I might actually go crazy. We are beautiful
standing side by side my dear. We are really beautiful.. one is a gravity
engine, another is a light engine. We are both in our ultimate forms right
| Friday, 30, Jan 13:13 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|A dream with M|
She was fast asleep when I wanted to take her instagram photo, sitting by
the side of a fountain with other tourist near her. She looks like any
normal girl when she was off stage, so I piggyback and carried her back to
my parents house.
It all started when there was a concert, and I have bought a ticket but in
my line of five, where I sat in the middle (like in the movies) I was
sitting all alone. Other lines are full, though I wonder why really. It was
just number four from the front, two rows from left and right and I was
from the right.
Even during the concert she went near me and said I have the 'vip' seating,
I'd just giggled. And there were also other preformances like ppl that put
led lights on them and did some mid air stunt.
When all that was over, guess everyone went back and left the two of us and
some of her staffs cleaning up in the background. I asked her a series if
questions, the first was "How's the big guy? (referring to her husband)"
and she said he was fine. and we talked about my blog and other things
about music lyrics.
Then we played an old computer nearby which is using an odd email based
chat engine. We ask more private questions, but her last message was hidden
away from me cause the application frozed. It was a longer message that she
wished to say something important to me, but somehow it did not went
through. "Todokanai na.." I said to her
Then we switched to our normal whatsapp. soon later we arrived at my
fathers villa and we had a talk about our families. Most this part of the
dream has been blurred out. But I could remember saying that mum and dad
has seperate big houses. but up to us to live in which buildings.
| Sunday, 21, Dec 08:12 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|The winter project|
Well then. Winter is almost over, time has passed by like a single breeze
on summer's end.
Alpacas domination. The creatures that was once weak and helpless, now are
choosen for that place. Truely, they are creatures of heaven.
I guess Allah was right, even I do not know how it will end. He always
comes out something far better than I can imaginate.
Here is one of the oldest wise Alpaca.. An Ancient one, with quad halo.
| Friday, 12, Dec 21:48 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Something about her|
Thankfully Asus 5.1 soundcard is fixed in windows 8.1
Some new songs that I'd recommened
1. The Staves - Dead & Born & Grown
2. Stealing Sheeps
my alcatel idol x+ finally got updated to kitkat.. lots of improvement. My
graphics gtx750 ti oc'edition needs a new ivy motherboard that has pcie 3.0
what else? oh yea, wanted to talk about Maaya nee works in the early anime
years. Most of the time, she just sings for enjoyment, love that side of
her, even now.
She probably updates everyone that she will like those songs above as well
My mind broadcasts she received the signals, its thats simple. but nowdays
I wonder.. taking it slow
wonder when I'm getting married, going to be pretty 30 yr old soon.. kinda
bored right now, wish I can just fuck around, but.. as if.. this name,
knowledge, mind all bear tons of responsibilities.
I have normal urges, but i wonder why really.. time just changes too fast.
| Friday, 10, Oct 00:50 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
I guess, I'm the only human being here in Malaysia that listens to Yoake
kaze kikinagara in the middle of 4am. Its a warm hearted song, from so far
ago in time.
Friends found and lost, all over these years. Yet I still listen to these songs, not sure what's keeping me.
Its ironic to think they know whats going on.
Its just funny, that only one of us now left.
I know its hard. Its really hard.
But I'm not giving up, for my creator has been there for me when everyone gave up on me. He was there, always taking care of me. That alone was enough to prove of how serious He was towards His creatures, at a personal level.
He said, he could not process my wish, as there is no girl out there with
the same capabilities as I was built on. He said I was asking for something
that is non existence and not possible.
That was a question, worth asking.
He further on saying that, the nearest copy is my own sister. In her own
| Friday, 26, Sep 06:34 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
I seems Maaya nee sort of slowed down her music activities after all these
17years. Well, thank you for everything, I really appreciate it, from the
bottom of my heart.
Its nice to have a singer that has a tailored genre according to my
personal taste. Well, its my turn now, just keep calm and read my writings.
My close friend yet again left me, but I guess both of us knew that already
long before, that she was like that. Its all written in the songs. Its a
normal thing what we humans have to go through at times.
Then comes the 'evergreen' girl..
| Wednesday, 24, Sep 07:14 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
"Its a normal feeling.." just no one really cared for this, except for my
futuristic self. Woke up everyday, just to know this. Its just a normal
thing, an everyday bitter side of the bread. Nothing more.
I still believe in her, the girl in my dream's visions. Maybe the only
illusion that keeps my personality intact until today. We kept our minds
connected and separate to maintain stability. Its not that we didn't know.
We already knew, even on day one.
Only she alone can cure my sadness.. its probably her own true ability in a
shape of a heart
In shaa Allah my dear, In shaa Allah..
| Monday, 22, Sep 13:25 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
This is perhaps my first Artwork.
| Monday, 15, Sep 06:36 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
|Time and Space|
It shouldn't be in an era where everything has been so advanced, yet it
could not happen in the time when everything is too obscure from
technologies. Somewhere around in the middle, around this time of age is
the perfect time to create something on how he would say, the best of his
created creature. When all of the olden civilizations starts to collapse,
only leaving greed in its place.
I tried to understand how simply put it was, it seems conflict in the
middle east or in any place of this earth begins when mankind placed their
greed into power. It was all in the abstracts that mankind forgets that the
devils were since long ago, plotting against mankind. We did notice it,
over and over, until we did not have any power to control over it. Even our
choices were deluded into the palms of the devil.
The absolute power to fully control one's own decisions is a secret to
himself. We have body motor sensors that works, regardless if we even
planned to do so. Like breathing, sleeping, waking up. This works like a
script, which the creator has installed into us. What bothers most of us is
how to actually control our self from doing things that we would regret
later. Its a real mystery, even if you have studied religious things on
your own, you could not actually say that you have find the final answer.
There was no absolute answer to that question.
Yet we would be judge according to the decisions, that each of us makes.
Not to the decisions that we did not control in the first place, such as
the breathing part. Things like making a right or left move, or listening
to our aqal/thought process, thinking that others were wrong/idiots and
only you yourself is correct is what makes most human, human. Predictable
creatures if we placed them into larger scripts, larger codes.. That human
beings that does not use their actual intelligence, will only be seen and
understood as a piece of script. That easily can be burned by fire, or fly
when the wind blows them, disappearing without any actual thought process.
What makes a human, is that particular ability to make an actual decision.
Especially, when crossing the lines in which the Creator has scripted for
you. The decision that you make, either makes you an ally or an enemy of
God. In a collective form, decisions can also alter the fabrics of time and
also the reality zone that you are in, changing the environment if it was
needed. The creator can see all those values, because he is able to do so.
We could not, creatures do not understand how the creator thinks, no matter
how smart the creature are.
Accumulative thought process, or the ability to influence others also is
described like a seed that grew roots in search for resources like water
and minerals, before it is capable of growing the first leaf, to get
resources from light. The creator gave all this information, in abstraction
for human beings to study, to learn, and to see what they did right or
wrong. If they could understand that, then it is good. If not, we are just
looping more scripts, and the codes just gets longer and longer.
Believe it or not, even working with monthly salary is like an infinite
loop if human beings were connected through life and death under a single
connected soul. It is stupid. More people have realized this, and started
to do what they seem is best for their life. Which is to leave something
for this world. Is that what the creator wanted? Not really, I do not think
so.. Because, the creator's thoughts will never, under any circumstances be
the same with the created creature's thought process.
It's amazing really. Even if you stood on the highest point on the world,
you could never still know how the creator's thought process, or whatever
it may actually be. He is different, that is why he is God.
And said so, if we excluded the already dead, there is at least 7 billion
thought process at a single moment. That is how much, and probably still
growing the power that Allah have. From my understanding, everything He
does is for a statistical reason. We are like his notebook or something.
Its in-comparison of what other might think we are this and that, but we
are just statistical data.
That is why, when you pray to the creator. Make sure you are serious and
fully awake. Meaning, that you understand will all your current
capabilities to whom you are praying to. Do not even miss a single thing,
carefully think logically with proper reasoning.
Because in the end, you still could not understand Him. Just give up on
that thought process
| Monday, 15, Sep 00:35 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
Just after the Friday prayers, started to pouring rain non stop for half an
hour already, in the state of confusion everybody just sat down and waited,
some are forming groups and talked to each other.
I can feel some are being thankful for the rain, praying to the creator. I
just like the sounds of falling rain. Its like a waterfall, but with people
Not the first time, but lately rain falls just after Friday prayers as if a
hint to me.. take a rest, sit down and remember the things we did for a
week. Good and bad, we learn from our self, on a Friday evening.
I managed to fix my sister's issue, and her blog account is now working.
But she hasn't write anything yet. Its all about the English you use, and
trying to grasp that writer's instincts.
Quite a setback now, but I just hope the rain stops soon.. come again
| Friday, 12, Sep 15:10 | トラックバック(0) | コメント(0) | Thoughts | 管理
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