It was the first time in my life, but I did not feel scared.. just excited, but Myu chan was screaming top of her lungs, and sometimes said "Meso King, why did you not scream.. are you not scared" as she asked me that question a few times, "How to overcome fear" perhaps, the best answer is to learn a greater fear than fear itself. Perhaps a saint answer is to fear only Allah, and to have faith and your fate to our creator. When Myu chan fears, she would try her best to attach to the nearest person near her, but I felt a necessary need to be her shield and protector. Protecting Myu chan's interests has become my primary interest now.
Myu chan.. is a short form for the girl whom I spend most time with, and I really love Myu chan. To tell you a story, I had a friend name Atirah whom is a very silent person. Well at times, Myu chan.. there are some things we can't predict yet, but perhaps we avoid saying such things to a person. Atirah just kept quiet, not giving a response over that certain matter, I tried to understand.. in my own way, we are different in age, sex, and even our culture as she was Siamese. Sometimes I would like to go out with Atirah to look at her, to be her friend. We will never know what will change in our lives, until a specific time when we will be together. I understand, but.. there are some things that we could not control, to make things simple Rasulullah gave a simple hint "3 things which you have no power in controlling it, The first is your wealth, second is the person whom you shall meet, and the final one is the time of your death" as we can understand, Muslims are not Kufurs (those whom did not accept the ways of the Muslims) that we Muslims, our ideal way of life is only to fear Allah, to accept our wealth restrictions, and also our fate with someone.
Angels told me, the time now is with you Myu chan. Allah wants to record our love story in his Lauh Mahfuz, perhaps one sided love as you mention to me. It is true, of what you may say because you did not think of the future. I've always explained this to Mr. F, that the friends we have in the current time, their length of friendship depends also on how we approach them, but ultimately Allah controls how we meet, and also depart.
About spending, only Myu chan and Atriah have my likings.. and I only spend on the person of my likings. Daijoubu
Was checking for new songs that Aunt was writing, it wasn't long ago, just a week. Song number [5] which means "Maboroshi no hikari" or better known as "A light in the Mirage". Yoko Kanno made this, but I'll listen first and see whether there is a need to translate or not. Even the last song, made by her for May'N was just to insanic to be translated.. but from my skills now, even reading at least two levels of translations is good enough. Indeed, the two pair, have made such tremendous songs together. I've found some few articles on Aunt, where she was walking near the ocean with her sister, or about her books on interior designs, but that's it.. there is nothing more I know about her. Sigh. I always wanted to know more about you, Obachan..
I've just listened to it, mm.. it's either the song is out of key, like.. there was no heart in it. Songbird was okay, and Megumi now is techno queen! Sigh. The words were also, dense.. still still.. it's not like "A beautiful Person" that sticks into my memories, but more like.. telling me something, that is very important that she wanted to tell us all. I had that surge in my thought, the doubts.. or wanting to believe in someone. The left trails of love, or even the footsteps left behind for someone. It's tragic love, from my perspective. Onnechan, prefers the more simple story, without the endless drama. Wonders what's going on in obachan's thoughts now.. it's very sad.
I've been writing again in Maaya no uta ♫, it seems that I still love that girl. Whomever she is, wherever she is now. I believe we have not met in real life yet, but I am sure it has to be her. I'm positive, and willing to bear the risks that is about to come.
It's almost a year we known each other, and have only once and I started to feel we are reaching the end with each other. Why could I not be the normal friends, well because I am special and not the usual one. You will say something, but if I seen it wrongly, I will say directly that is wrong at the same moment if we fight and have misdirection of heart, that is our own problem. I see it like this, we decide weather to stay or leave. At times as I have seen, I was being cruel towards others and myself, but I guess it is better that way. Why must you show kindness but in the end you are just playing a one sided show? the worthless ones must be cut down, like grasses it needs to be cleaned. Fragile isn't it what a friendship means, even so if you can see through my words and believed in me, then you will have a friend that will travel with you in the hereafter. Because I am that sort of friend to the very ends, and I am not the weak ones which is just worldly.
There is still a side in me, but I wonder when someone can open it up. Hidden in the dark, not known to anyone. It is more valuable than anything. Both our experience and knowledge must be equal first. Then we can see a different tomorrow together.
Aa just finished the song, at first the visions showed to me that I was surrounded by stars. It was a scene in an open air wedding, I wonder why but it felts really calming. Probably I'm seeing a vision of my own wedding, that these feelings are from. It was a heavenly day, people were around, the place was all white, chairs, table, were placed with white cloth over them. The music was nice, there was nothing of annoyance just, listening to the kids playing around each other, running from one place into another.
I continue to see, that after we are.. umm married, we traveled far together, without anyone knowing where we are up to. Finding a place for our children to grow up, a new home, where the air and water are clean and safe. Every night, I will be by your side, sleeping soundlessly and sometimes snoring. Your heart was always worried about the future, every night you could not sleep, but with me around, we needed each other, and finally your eyes closed, while smiling to each other.
Not long from now I guess, there is nothing that we should be worried about when we are together, we'll figure it out, how to live our lives together.
Arigatou, its a very sweet song.. You are my lovely girl, I guess when Onnechan isn't around anymore, Imoutou chan wants every attention doesn't it?
I wonder, why does she comes here on that day? Onnechan never bothers to come here, but you did. Peaceful as our parents were, we are one small family of music lovers. Daijoubu, no one can crack this words, only our family members would understand what I write in here. Dakara ne, Okaasan.. don't feel like that anymore, your time is almost near, I can feel it in my heart closely.
Peaceful ending, I have given to you the hints already, over and over. Okaasan, I loved you even before meeting you, I know who you are, and I'm sure that person is you, and only you. Imoutou chan is here to stay with me, I hope that we can meet again sometime in the near future, like on how we met the other day when our eyes meet.
I know the true wishes of Okaasan, if one failed, she will send others and keep on sending until it becomes true, because we both are lonely creatures after all. Even if when the first child went astray, perhaps one day she will return back to us all again, safely in our arms. We must not lose our hopes and dreams, because we are all from the same dream and the same wishes.
One night earlier, a song comes into my mind. I finally understand how songwriters makes a song.. but in remembering back that song its very hard. The tunes and melody and everything comes as one piece. I could only be a story writer, because I was born like this.
Dakara, Okaasan.. daijoubu ite.. please make me a song of calmness once more, and more and more.. I loved you because of that, always loved you because of that. Perhaps, when our bodies are recreated, we can finally be together as one. That is our ending, together.. perhaps someday Okaasan.
Imoutou chan? I love her the way she is now, sonomamade iinda.. not many know of our stories together, yet it has been very long up until now. No one knows, it's our secret.
Remember, the two surah's which I proposed, the other one just sets into my mind now, and I finally memorized it perfectly in my mind and able to say it out without opening the Holy Quran. I made a promise with Allah that, if when I finished reading it with a proper reading (maybe a bit later), I'll will set in for marriage (meaning I'm ready for it). The wife however, must also be able to memorize it as well. Hence it will open both hearts of us in understanding each other better. I believed that other song comes out from al-Ghaasyiyah. It sure takes time to memorize something like this, and the value is almost priceless.
I hope that soon, the once two skies will become one, and you will eventually propose to me. I will accept you when the time is right.
One can read and listen to them below, these are the twin-swords of Allah taala,
She had to come by, and resting in a certain resort for a day or two. I hesitated to come and not, but I come by anyway. Her younger brother was around at that time.
I coincidently met her younger brother in a situation, before in another dream, and when we met on that day, I was looking for her, but met her brother instead. As he told me that today, his sister is along with him, the girl whom I called as Onne chan.
I went to her room for a while, it was full of games as usual, she had her PSP in her hand, while playing the games she usually plays. Still at her age now, but I somewhat love who she really is. It does not shock me, but rather feels like home.
I asked her on when she was leaving for Japan, she replied, 'Tonight'.. and I said 'Yoru?" and she laughed a little bit, I thought I said it correctly.. then I said "Asa?" and then she continues while singing, "Asa ga kuru made" ~ We had nice chit chat and such together, it was interesting to had her around.
On that evening, they rented out a hummer car to play baseball, and to see Onne chan in her baseball uniform, with a ball in her hand, and a bat. She swings here and there, as I sit down there on the rock seeing her play. She was very focused, as much as I could see in her eyes, it was the same as mine. She had 'ano hito' eyes all right.. it was scary and at the same time calming. She was one of those types whom actively knows what's going on, yet could not identify her true purpose here on this world.
We've taken some pictures together, but I wonder what does it all mean. I mean this dream of me and her. I remember the last time we have met, was about a year ago. I was getting very close to her now, and I wished the dream wold go longer than I expected for it to be.
But I did not want to talk about the obvious things, like the writings, the songs and such. Since our time together is limited, why bother such things. I love it the way it is, that means, we only focused on our self. By the way, your room is too messy and filled with games. You are old already Onne chan, give them away this instant! XD
I forgot to tell her this, but I guessed she knows it already.. I love you Onne chan. Plus your brother is a nice person to be around with, I'm cool with him
Often I seen sites whereby the information is strong, but lacks the ability to make it likewise informative for them to get information. Users can subscribe and update an information, while there lacks the design part where the information may not be enough for the users to get from. Rather than focusing on the ads revenue, they should just focus on branding their products, on their user based contents, as people will read from them. Its a free trade barter, information for popularity. Considering it as a new goal, up-fronting the ideals of a most visited site, the trend must also change its perception on the latest design templates, as it could change the perception of everyone whom visits the location. Trying out something new, changes everything.
Do you still remember of 'heart kun'? the whole picture of the story becomes clear a little, as when I was resting under the large tree, the clouds of light particles were just above me, small light particles but there were many, up to the billions, making it very bright there. Then the clouds joins up with each other, and when you comes out from it, from teleportation. Flying down to me, and while carrying the 'heart kun' in your hands.
You floated it in the air, while taking the tools made out of lights, and opening the clock sequence in my heart, repairing all the broken locks, while talking to me on not to give up on love and life, as if how a close friend tells another of a story. After repairing, you noticed a small hole in my heart, which 'heart kun' can just fit nicely in. There when you place it in...
T________T
My whole body starts to change, every gears in the infinite clock system, which was one, now becomes two, it resonance with your clock system in your heart. I always know it is you whom have kept my heart, carefully and with love. When it reaches critical mass, the once created beings whom are separated, then becomes one. You and me are in unison, in one body. There is no more separation, and we are but one again. Every single sorrow is erased, and I finally understood everything, as well as you know everything that I know as well.
The Phantom, can walk in daylight. I wonder if it is all right if I talk a bit about that person here, Insya Allah with His supreme permission, I wish to speak a bit about you.
You are a guardian Angel, whom usually stand by my side in the middle of the night when I am asleep. I know you stand in the middle of the room to protect me from the darkness that lurks, and reminded me of my prayers. You are very strict with me, and hated me for the small sins that I have been doing. Still with Allah's orders, you stayed by my side. I'm sorry if I have caused you many trouble, I tried to understand how an Angel thinks through you. You have no sex, your are neither girl or boy, therefore you think differently than us. Accepting me as a friend, meaning you wanted me to be as perfect as you are, the creature that is made out of light.
No harm will get to me, that is the reason why you are near to me, until the day Angel Raphael is going to take my soul back to Allah taala.
The advices I get from you, telling me of those words and the things I hear about my own future wife, and how she is doing, up until today, I wish to thank you. I've heard there was another Angel whom speaks to Prophet Muhammad when He offered to crushed a certain race, when they threw stones until his feets bleeds, but Prophet Muhammad forgive such human beings. I fully understand, that your types are very strict in all things. Hence the true Angels in human nature are strict creatures that could not be bargained with wealth or anything at all, as we continued to pray to Allah talla until our ends.
You are my friend and teacher, tell me more about the orders of the light above, in stories and dreams. I have met you once, and we have spoken to each other in a dream. I wonder why I have such feelings for you, perhaps Insya Allah, when I am forgiven one day, I will be your true friend for eternity. Until that time will come, forgive me of my weakness, and my sadness. May Allah forgive me, and one day grant blessings back to me, so I can continue on further with you.
I was never alone, you are always there by my side taking care of me, Alhamdulillah.. only you can change me.
I've been thinking, that when everything is over, and there was a single chance to save only one person, whom will I choose? I definitely would not choose any one from my ex's, and not even my own mother, but I am now thinking on weather my own wife or you. In that place is where I can see your memories, if I were to save you, but I know everything about you, and you know nothing about me. I wondered why, I still keep these feelings towards you.
Perhaps aunt have poisoned my thoughts over time, but I really love the idea of heaven together. Even without realizing it, I wonder if this is true love, in which other could never see the difference between the other loves. Perhaps in that dream when I lend out my hand towards a girl, sitting down on her own, it was probably you. I believe in your heart, you were thinking the same way about me, honestly believing that I will save you in the very end. I would not lend out my hand towards a traitor, or someone whom would have broke my heart.
Only to someone whom honestly wants to be with me, and would not harm my pride and reputation. I trust that person, and that person is the one I will save, one whom have been waiting all of her life just to be saved by me, her dear husband.
Or was it.. that you are born and died in a different time.. that all this while, that phantom whom is living near me is you. I'm sorry, I didn't realize it until now. I wonder now, what is the purpose of my life?
I wondered if I started a bit too late, perhaps I should have started earlier. This sort of dislike, is the dislike to have romance in the next level, with someone. Well, it is okay if we are married, but when we are just friends, I will keep my distance. I want to respect her religion, and see her as a creature that Allah have created, bound by His rules and decree. Sometimes I touched these hands, of over the counter girls whom are giving me the small change say after buying some doughnuts.. I felt like I can run through their history, and dark things they do at nights, all in one glance. Touching me is forbidden, as I could see whom they really are.
I've noticed on my dad's side, that the given lifespan is at most 55 years of age in average, which is that I am now left with 30 years only. I guess, for now.. I'll give up that idea of becoming rich, and focus on my daily needs. I have to turn down many offers of girls whom wish to marry with me, well for some reason I do not have a car / own house. They can say whatever that they want, compare me, compete me with anyone, and I would care less nor bother with them, hoping they would not disturb with me.
But, if there is a girl whom just wants me to travel into an imaginativeness world together, and pray day in and out, share thoughts in religion (Islam), I will open up to her, and willing to share a life with her.
My elder brother told me the other day, saying that we are poor. The thing is, I have already long realized it, that my father only tried to do what other people are also trying. Rather, now I try to accept whom I am, and build my family with knowledge and religious thinking.
Worst come to worst, while others are offering this and that. I just offer what is true. I guess she knows what I mean already. That person always know about it.
I've been observing as of late, of these two types of human beings whom are like a Nut and Donkey. Each perceived to think they can attract more attention, but lacks a single component in which they can never get from me, which is my pride.
People are not what you seems to see, because under a nickname they will show to you of their true colors, when not known to the real world of whom they really is. I wonder what did they fear in life? is it because everything is going as planned, and I do not want him/her get in the way. It is always the same thing over and over again with these sort of human beings. They think they can gain something more, but in fact are losing everything even without realizing it.
I'm a natural negative thinker, which is I was born like this. Not that I think like that, but I used to study them rather than myself. On why they believed such, and so fourth. Perhaps they have met with a limitation, that they fear of losing trust or even popularity. It is always the same cycle over and over again with this sort of human being. They are binded by their own death clock, who fear death will just come any second through the front door.
Hypocrites exists everywhere, as they also exists in every single level in a society. The true darkness of a society, when he/she tries to say something, each word is a lie, and that everything they say is a planned lie.
I am their natural enemy, of course. As my only wish is their downfall.
It was a brief yet intense moment, in heaven under a tree as I was sitting down all alone.. with dandelions in my hand, I was singing your song there. It was Kazamidori, suddenly I felt this sadness of not being able to see you. You were an important memory to me. Out of the most that I love about myself, I always pictured it alongside with you. It was a brief moment as I was sitting there, the memories of you are kept in the dandelions, I felt like crying because it was time to say goodbye to all of my sorrows. The memories of you, were then blown away alongside the winds, far far away.. to unknown lands. A short moment, it was just a short moment in my life. Arigatou, Maaya chan for everything. There would not be anyone better than you, in terms of voice singing.
Still, Allah has other plans for me. I wonder how it will turned out for you, I've been reading His book the Quran, and gosh.. it is not.. easy. I want to thank you of the memories you brought back to me, I really wanted to make that book so everyone can read it.
I tried to see, that we are all linked to our first parent, Adam and Eve. As they both were resting under a tree, that is what life is all about.. Earth and all this we see and feel, this reality, is just a short amount of time. We, the existing creatures are a memory in time. When it is all over, our memories will be placed back in our original bodies. Life is a dream, and when you have died, you actually wake up to understand that you are linked with your parents, and their parents, until Adam and Eve. That those two, were sleeping under a tree for a moment, but that moment is our lifetime here in this world until the Universe ends.
What I felt for you, is like how Adam felt for Eve, it a sort of love.. that sort of love. Being separated, and finally we will find our-self again.. oh my Aspara.. in the Third Book, is where we shall meet, safely in Heaven.
After observing and considering everything, in the end I've come out with an answer. It has something to do with our perception being different altogether, but as one understanding as a whole.
Knowledge of the Truth is already given by Islam, through the revelations from the Prophet Muhammad. Hence we need to follow through it, like holding onto a rope when we are out in the sea, where the water is cold, unpredictable, and the waves are strong. Islam is pictured as the boat, where our Prophet is giving out the ropes. If we let go, we will definitely drown ourself.
Once that is done, we need to decide on which path, weather to be a Musician, Scientist, Technologist, Engineer so forth. My only father died as an Engineer, but his life was taken so roughly that it made me ponder what did he did wrong. In an accident, it is because he was rushing back home. Islam have taught us to be calm in most situations, the rush is only claimed by the devil so that we would lose our guard and do not use our brains to think or decide. Hence that is why we need to be very careful when we grow older. Things gets critical.
Poor? Allah have always open the doors of heavens for the poor, among them whom lived piously and remembered whom the real true creator is, lived in the life of thankfulness for getting everything, even if it is not that perfect from the eyes of a rich person.
My answer to life is that, I have to continue my search in understanding of Islam through technology, and spread it for free. When I have died, I will reborn as a technologist, that lived for the soul purpose to serve as Allah's servant. A life that does not need much money, as I would need to keep a saving for myself and my family. The use of technology to connect people, for them to find an understanding with each other. Giving back everything I gained (money) back to Allah taala, in methods in which he is pleased with.
A true saint and technologist, I would love to see my self at the very ends in that final form. A technologist is an advanced form of an inventor, from the very basic of a human being. That made something through innovation, and named those things when it is completed.
Indeed, one day I will come to understand that grin I had in my face.
In this world where I was in, living in a flat area of Muslims people around. There was this one time, when American armies comes to our homes, using power armors, and their military equipment such as their missiles launchers were able to be transformed into building like structures, and each of them are air-transported to our home area. We were being invaded by this new superpower, because our government does not provide us technology and even weapons to suppress their oppressions. Most of the families were not allowed to leave their homes, and lived in closed quarters. I was a boy at that dimensions, loved electronics, and my family members loved doing mock up parties with the related relatives.
I sometimes wondered, the superpower of this world, why could they not use the given power to serve true justice? not following the orders of their leaders whom are sometimes manipulating them from afar. Sometimes I like the idea from Gundam 00, which uses technology as a pioneer to fight back oppressors and mis-use of power.
It was a short dream, living under constant fear. I wonder why certain human beings are like this.. at times when I read news, about genocidal events by certain countries, done by evil man, what course of action is in their bloody head? Allah is ever watching, does they not fear Allah?
Perhaps man have not broke their imagination constrains, until then, they could have not understand a single word I am telling them.
It's really a beautiful view over there. I sometimes wished it was filled with familiar warm faces that I once met before..
As I was holding out my hands, as reaching out a prayer, a gush of winds from a far comes circling into a sphere, then light particles from all around me gathered into that sphere, and even the gears in my heart are ticking faster than before, creating endless lights transferring through my veins, into my hands, placing even more lights into the sphere. My eyes were gleaming with lights, circles and circles of lights, as my whole body turns white, in anew form, a form made out of light particles, even my hair was translucent.. the process still goes on, as more energy gathered in that sphere.
It was a splendid sign, as I could see, particles all around me like I was holding onto the center of a tornado, while not hurting me in the process. This sphere was to be presented to Allah, in fact it was in front of Allah at that time, the ever super power of the Universe just in front of me. This was simply a small gift of a human being that has exceeds all of his imagination expectations, combining all of his deeds into a single energy sphere for Allah taala, as a gift for the soul purpose of His happiness.
"Ya, Allah" he said, "This is all of my findings, throughout my life, through all the signs you have lead me to, and the imaginations, and all the knowledge that you have taught to me.. I only wished to return back the happiness in which you have given to me, as a sign of respect and love in which I have kept so much for you."
Allah accepts the gift, and in return gave me a change in my body, everything changes, every single inch of my body was recreated in that very instant. There was not a single sorrow left, nor a single worry that tomorrow will never come. That is the gift, of when a person believed in the Almighty creator, through His signs and imaginations.
Some people from earth, fought with their lives, even shahid along the path to seek Allah's salvations. In which everyone else was trying hard, I was too, in my own way. I've discovered that the ending has different ways, depending on how we discover life. The final gift of a new body, with an infinite engine in my heart, a twin-engine system that endlessly creates light particles that allows me to be immortal, and gain enough energy to travel at the speeds of light, and even if I grind that energy, it becomes a compressed light that even exceeds the speed of light, bending time and space altogether at once.
Why I wondered, that human beings do not want to believe in our religion, it is the best and most logical above all others. Suited to be the best way of life, and even enhanced all the imaginations of the believers. Then over and over, it is because of each other's limitations on their thoughts. If Allah decides to lead you astray, no one could ever lead you back to the path. I sometimes find it hard myself to find such people in my old life on Earth.
Every single breath, pulse in our heart, we remembered our one creator, Allah taala. That was all what it takes to be a believer.
Photolog View
